Thursday, September 17, 2009

Last Night

When I complained about my numbness enough it finally disappeared. 
during the holy month of ramadan the last ten days are very special, and there is one night that is even more special. It is a magical night that has been divinely described to us as a night better than a thousand nights. And in deed it is, it is not for sure which night it is, but scholars have predicted that most probably it is the twenty seventh night. Being a romantic such descriptions and poetic depictions make my heart melt. Especially that I know that these are the words of God. I realize that the relation between one and his creator is deeply personal but I can not help it that I want all the people I love to get closer to God. 
It is not right to compare but on a much much much smaller scale, it is like you have a friend and you want them to meet your best friend or your mother or your father. The closer you get to your new friend the more you want them to know that amazing parent of yours or that incredible best friend. It is hard to accept that your father will never be friends with your new friend, it is actually painful to see your friend who you care deeply about not willing to spend any time with your best friend or parent. 

There is this whole world in the relation between one and his divine creator and it just hurts that so many good people fail to experience it. It is like getting married with zero romance, since in every step of the way one knows God is here but the failing to communicate is like being married for practical motives. There is no magic in the practical life, there is no romance in the life of  the being who's heart does not pray every step of the way . I was deeply depressed before I found my conversation with him last night. I had forgotten about how comforting it is to talk to the one who knows me best. I knew how distant I was and how in this ramadan i haven't done all the things that pave my way to him and prove my love to him and show my need for him. I was caught up with my ego my flat self and my boring existence, but finally when I could not bare it any longer I found my way back. He is always in my heart but it was like we have not spoken for a long time. Speaking his words loudly with great concentration is  an amazing meditation. All ways lead to him and for muslims our fasting, our prayers are our way to reach him.

Without contact with him I am dead, I strive on the romance with him and like a child running to his missed parents I run back to him.

My best friend told me when I complained about about my distance from him, she told me the beauty of him is that you can always come back to him and he will be waiting. I wondered who else is always waiting? Who else will always be there? Who else's silence means more than a thousand babbling ? If you call hard enough for him,  all that matters is your true desire in him. he will be there and all his angels will come and hug you.

 You who are so distant realize what you are missing it is a whole world of romance and light better that a thousand nights.

As I prayed I realized how similar the muslim prayers are to the sun salutations in yoga and how close the movements are. The poses are very similar, and it gives a similar feeling. 

It is so much nicer and more comfortable to be supported by him, than to carry all your burdens alone. It is so amazing to know you are not alone. It is great to have him surround you, it is truly liberating ridding my self from my pride and sticking my forehead to his ground and confessing how little I am. 

Last night I wish I went to a group prayer, the power of the positive energy combined, gives you strength for the whole year, but I could not leave the house. However there is an intimacy in praying alone in your room one that can not be compared by anything else.

Me and my family believe that which ever night you feel it the most is your magical night, however something about last night was obviously special. Last night it was dark yet the sky was lit with white light, last night it was so quiet no dogs were heard barking. Last night prayers were heard more than they do on any other night. Last night I met my lover and we united all night, until the sun rose and things were less magical again. 

I wondered what if every day of our lives was a leilet el qadr? What if our hearts were awakened every night of our life? What if we did not drift so easily? and what if our desire for unity never slept?





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