The restlessness until published, the unease that comes until you are freed by saying whatever is trapped in your throat. Writing it down is actually therapeutic, it is like aromatherapy for the soul like a massage for the tired body. like putting down a huge bag of stone after carrying it up on the long staircase. Your shrinking chest expands. Then you can breathe again and face the mad world again, the world that can be unbearable if you are not supported, if you are hollow, if inside you do not find a place comfortable enough. If you can not find refuge somewhere, where will you go? Please do not act like everything is ok and easy and that you got the world on a string, we all know how vulnerable we are, how breakable we can be and how our hearts can be shattered and how our worlds can anytime collapse. The question is how do we manage and focus on the now knowing that anytime anything can happen? It must be faith, on some level we all have it or else how could we go on and live our days and sleep and trust the pillow? How could we trust tomorrow and what might it bring? If our existence in itself is questionable and not permanent, why do we worry so much about the stupid things?
how do all these people live and be so confident, how could people stomp their feet on the ground that stands beyond their time and before it. This world of visual and touchable is too small to be it. There must be more, we all know that.
How wonderful is the world when things are happy and fine, when you finally feel home at your own house. When little things fail to conquer you and you finally take control. Being in charge not the victim, not the prey, not the follower. Taking care of someone, taking charge of something, feeling needed somewhere somehow is enough motivation for a whole life. That is all we need. To know that we are needed and our presence is not replaceable, and that our character is not forgettable, the thing we want to be sure about is that we can not be comparable to any of those who took our place. And that we are loved unconditional and I come to realize that our dearest need is to be watched. When I was growing up I thought a camera was filming my every step. We love our parents because they watched us along our journey they saw us through our stages. They saw our first steps, our graduation and when we cried they saw our tears and kissed our heads. In love an essential part is that someone sees your life as it happens. Someone witnesses it and to them you are the star and the rest of the world are extras. We all want to be the focal point, nobody wants to be an extra at-least to their dearest ones.
I want to be the sun and I love God because he watches over me and I know for sure that every thing I do is witnessed, the essence of all relationships is looking at someone and the more undivided your attention is the deeper the love. The more exclusive the gaze is the more passionate the love is, nobody wants a lover who adores and looks at everyone else too, love is jealous and demanding or else it would be just good will.
When things are fine and we have peace of mind why don't we recognize how amazing that is?Why is it only when something drives us crazy do we remember our peaceful days and mourn them? Why can't we realize how lucky we are when everything is fine? are we thankful enough?
Do we need to be reminded of tougher times? We take it for granted when sleep comes and when we can have fun, we live like hypnotized souls going through errands and routines until something shocks us and we try to remember our normal life and we feel bad for not knowing how precious it was.
Can we remind ourselves of how lucky we are to have peace of mind right now, can we enjoy our blessings as much as we suffer from our misfortunes?
Are we wired for happiness or sadness or just blankness?
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