Help!

It occured to me, I am a fifties house wife!

As I fold the laundry I wonder if my years in colledge were worth it.

Without help, a wife becomes the help. Atleast the help is paid, but you are not.

If a woman leaves herself to get sucked in house work her life can slip through her fingers and she can wake one day to realise 10 years have passed.

In many other countries life with no help is possible, in Egypt it is not.

I find it hard to sustain the professional realtion with the help.

It ends up turning into a friendship. Unfortunately they do not respect a friendly boss.

I realise something is wrong with me, I do not know how to act like a bossy madam.

Today at the interview the potential maid and her agent laughed when they saw me.

But you are too young they said, how old are you?

I told them I am not too young I am 24!

She said I can not call you madam because you are too young.

Suddenly I felt like I was the one who was trying to get the job, I was belittled and the power imediately went to them.

I am not good at the games that come with the egyptian madam and maid relationship.

The last helper who came here started out fine when I kept a proffessional gap as soon as I let down the wall of proffesionalism and began treating her like family, her frown arrised and pleasing her became an impossible goal of mine. 

I do not know why I always feel guilty about the idea of getting help I try to  make up for it by destroying the proffessional relationship with my friendly ways. I carry a weight of guilt on my shoulders as I find the help doing their job and I end up letting them go, because they turn my life into a hell with their endless needs and impossible requests.

I am still learning but what I know is: I need help!!