Faith

Days pass so quickly, especially those with no drama, I feel like I am losing my days and they are slipping through my fingers. Everyday I am a different person and the the same place looks different everyday. In the mirror I look different, in my skin I feel different, every little thing has an impact and everything I see leaves a stain on my being. Last year I was so different I lived in Lala land and my biggest worry was something that now seems trivial. I can remember there were always times I was miserable, there were always times I was happy, not ever was I always blissful. The thing that makes one romanticize the past is the gift of forgettfulness that edits all the pains and the photographs that are only taken when you smile. Although I know time is an illusion, and that I was blessed with many things through out last year, I feel like I am ten years older just in one year. I have seen parts of life I had no clue existed and I have carried the worries of someone I never knew would be me. I have experienced things and seen things I would not have seen or known about if I was just a girl in my parents house. Grown up world is not easy, grown up world is not simple. I remember them speaking of childhood innocence, and I never knew what they meant. Now I do, the more you know, the uglier it gets. Ignorance is a blessing, over thinking is a curse, not knowing about things can save you. I wish I did not know all the possibilities, I wish I did not know all the ways things can happen. I wish I had to worry about little, and I wish life was not so realistic. Reality checks can be shocking for a dreamer, truths like life and death can be traumatic for a fragile. Like my talented fellow friend and blogger said in her blog about thick skin being a good thing, I agree. I realize I had no skin last year, and the tough yet small tests I have seen have given me skin, still not thick but atleast now I do have a skin. I am not a scared little girl anymore and what they say is true, what does not kill you makes you stronger. When I am in a not so happy situation, or anticipating its happening it is the worst but when the actual bad omen happens, after the mourning, things get easier since you no more fear it happening, you already felt it, it is over. Of course the fear of going through it again still lives but some how you are relieved that you do not have to worry about a bad thing happening, it just did. Having nothing makes you fear less, since you have nothing to lose. Having more scares you more, so many things can happen, so many losses to mourn. We are all so vulnerable to accidents and happenings that can just happen, but we find strength and faith that whatever it is, it will be ok. We all need our drugs, some use their children, some drink, some smoke, some exercise, some over work, but everyone wants to lose themselves into something and escape the bitter reality. Some seek "Kundalini" the power to connect with the divine and reach bliss or a trance like stage of consciousness, where overflowing energy picks you up and fixes all aspects of your life like a pill. Without Kundalini I am depressed! Kundalini is sleeping inside everyone we just need to wake it up with yoga and more. That is what happens when you befriend reality instead of escape it, you realize the illusionary nature of this world and some how you are no more attached to the world of forms, you live happily yet your heart is protected and you fill the world with love. I am an addict of that and my being seeks that and without that well I can not just be.

The only way for me and many others is enlightment, how else can one take it? whatever it may be?