Monday, August 29, 2011

little things

little things mean so much
things that might mean nothing to others means so much to us
The mad lovers

a scene might not get to them but to us it can traumatize us for a life time
flowers mean the world to us
words of love and compliments with details
taking your time with words

long gazes and eye contact
putting us first always
not bringing in other names
not even mentioning other creatures


thats how we are we are selfish with our lovers
we want it like the movies


we are ambitious
we cant just be happy like our mothers
we want more

we want to be part of the decision maing process
we want transparency
and equality
we want to be treated like we deserve the world and more

we want to be missed even if its one night
we want to be told so
we want to be like the lovers of the shakespeareian tales

we want the stars and the sky
and everything between the earth and the stars to feel like its ours

we want to be sacred
like nothing you have seen
like we are unique and our bodies are temples

we want to be looked at for a long time

and our efforts and hard work need to be acknoledged
we want to know that we are the true love and not just the settlement destination

we want to be your best friend
and your dream and your forever
we want to be protected by you like we deserve only the best scenario so long as you can give it

even if you lie about it
lie in favor of making us feel like goddesses of beauty

even if you have seen more beauty say that we are the only ones you have seen

even if your dying to take that call shut the phone
even if you mean nothing by complimenting others hold it in and keep the compliments to us alone
yes we are selfish lovers
and when we go mad cuz so many times we do hold us tight and say how much you love us and respect us and that in your life time you
have never loved so much

let your gaurd down
cry a little
get down on your knee and say you want to live forever with us
say we want to share each detail and plan


dont become the enemy
Be a mad lover

Love gives wings

http://www.ascendyourself.com/node28.php
Earth is tough
No doubt in that
It's sometimes fun but over all it's not a fun ride
When u truely look at it you will realize how easy it could be for people to quit on stuff
Giving up sucks but sometimes it's simpler and way more relaxing

Sunday, August 28, 2011

a culture of sadness















i turn on the egyptian channel
yet i am in california
and oh my God
the soap opera
the mother is crying holding her daughter
saying words that could not be translated in english

our culture in egypt is so sad
sadness is just our way and the common ground
yes there is humor
but the overriding feeling is sadness

sadness is a culture in egypt
even after the joy of the revolution all i could do was cry for the martyrs

in california people are not afraid to say they are happy
maybe its because they really are

the government makes sure most of them are
they can walk around
they have pavements
sidewalks
they have trees
they have parks around every neighborhood so the people can enjoy

they have rights
they feel like human beings like they are worthy
and at the coffee house the stranger opens the door for me and gives me his place in line

he says you go first
i thought everything was a struggle and here everyone is being nice
a new movement here started by a local called daymaking
which is an attempt to make a strangers day and do something nice for no rewards other than a desire in a better world
so its like paying it forward everyone is trying to make everyone else's day
walking down the street i am greeted by nice people who wish me a great day

in egypt the beggars only wish me stuff and they want money
they say may God keep you
i once told a beggar but i don't wanna just be around, pray something better like God bless you or wish me happiness or anything who says i wanna just be around forever

here in california
in the street
there are
smiling people
full of hope
and its a happy culture

back home we are mostly sad
traffic can steal any joy out of us
everyone is out there to share the misery
we have even grown closer in misery
because we have it as a common feeling

and we have no idea what is next
our government is capable of screwing us over to the limit that we can not imagine
we have zero trust
we are traumatized
we took our lives into our own hands

we are so happy when we see a policeman
we wanna dance in joy that they decided to work again

when we travel we always say what a clean place
because it not that clean in our street
but cleanliness is like a given everywhere else

and then again i look around and i feel the joy of the people here
yes many have gone mad and walk around yelling stuff but the majority are happy motivated and hopeful

the egyptians are like orphans
the government has abandoned them so those of them who can went and tried to get adopted by those who value their children
canada and america

everyone wants dual citizenships
because another passport gives you more humanity
your price goes up

until the revolution came along and now saying im egyptian here in california tastes so much better
thanks to tahrir square we have a better name here and everywhere

but what exactly is going on back home i dont know
all i know is that i wanna say im egyptian here and it feels way better than saying it last year

but our culture is a sad one and it might be an eastern thing that the tears flood like waterfalls
my people have seen so much injustice and pain and neglect its only normal to be so sad
even if you are rich having poor and sick people around you will depress you
having so much ignorance and sickness and poverty around you is bound to get you down

we are stuck with so much love to our land
love that hurts
love that makes us sad
love that makes us come back
they say build and we will
but its the sadness that will take so much time to erase and the trust that will take ages to build
and the people who need new bodies new skins new minds to start fresh and to forget the ways they have been treated


we take everything into our hands
because we have zero faith in our government
we keep trying to live in a place that is just perfect for dying

but there is hope and life will go on


maybe its an arabian thing to carry sadness within
ours is a culture of sadness


Saturday, August 27, 2011

"Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free."
— Rumi

Harem

No we are not the maids you hired
Neither are we the prostitutes you ordered
No we are not second class

No I will not walk after you
No I will not be silent when I can speak for myself
No I am not less just because im a woman
No I am not less just because I am young



No I will not be an object of desire
No I will not be weaker
No I will not play dumb

I will shine because my light is on


No I will not dim it so I don't make anyone feel uncomfortable

Yes I am strong I have lived before I was even fine
I don't need to be under your rule


My job is not to look pretty and obey
My job is not just to be a good girl


No you do not own me
You are not the boss of me



And I refuse to be treated like a second class citizen

because of my age sex or color

My accent is beautiful I don't néed to change it

I will speak whatever language I feel like speaking


I will sing in English Arabic and Italian


I will blog I will paint I will walk and I know where I am going



I will be brave because I owe it to my daughter
I brought her into the world so she can see a strong role model not a disappearing shado



No I will not become a clone
No I will not mold my self to fit in

I'm Pretty much whole the way I am
I love how I am and I won't transform into a half to fit the puzzle



No I'm not just a goodgirl who does not make trouble

We are not babies


We carry them

We are not objects

We are capable just like you

We are smart and sometimes even more spiritual and sensitive

We are capable of multitasking

And putting ourselves in The shoes of others

No I will not nod and be quiet
No I won't walk behind you and follow

I am whole I am great because I am an EGyptian womAn


The harem is not my place nature is my mother and I am a child of God
And for that I am beautiful and proud I will stand up straight and my head will be high because I am not ashamed of my sex my race or my religion




Shahrazad

Friday, August 26, 2011

apple heaven

steve jobbs is all over the news
the reason the apple name is golden and this company is so great
is that its not about making money only

apple is so much more than just a company or brand
today i am in palo alto california and i am in the same city that steve jobbs lives in

i saw his house its close to where i am staying
its big and wonderful but its also humble down to earth and it blends in with nature
its nothing showy or too fancy
a man who can build a golden palace and rub it in all our faces knows life is not about showing off ur wealth
but rather living in the place that makes you comfortable and happy don't get me wrong it is beautiful and big but it is reasonable and lovely too

today my apple phone died on me so i went in the amazing apple store
a store that is beaming with light full of life
full of young and old people who all wanna be part of the apple revolution

apple is not just a smart brand its artistic its free it symbolizes all the things i believe in

i was stranded in the store: no phone, no car and no idea how to reach my husband
the apple genius and thats what the people who work there to help you understand the apple products more
showed me where the phones are
and i looked to my right i found a table with apple phones being charged and so inviting they all stand shiny and new

i asked the genius: but these phones are not for everyones use are they?
he said yes they are
i asked him: is it for free?
he said yes
now i started getting greedy as i thought of all the international calls i have been making
so you can even make international calls?
he laughed and said yes
i was shocked and i asked and its also for free?
he said yes as he took my i phone to fix it

i stood there amazed for a few seconds and i looked around the store
and i understood what all the fuss is about
its abundance
apple is being so kind so inviting
you can use the internet you can use facebook you can check your mail you can play games you can
make calls you can enjoy apple at the store and you are surrounded by so many people who are willing to help you understand apple better

the phone could not be fixed so the man just gave me a new one
without even telling me he will
like its so easy to be generous

i was so happy
it was like i was in apple heaven

i looked behind him and i saw a homeless lady come in
with white hair so long and tangled it touched the floor
with a hunch back
with so many bags
she looked exactly like the which in snow white
even she felt welcomed
she put her bags under the desk and started using the computer
i recognized her she lives on university avenue

for me it was unbelievable how nobody even looked at her
not even a glance
not the employees not the customers

she stayed there
i left and thanked the apple geniuses
and i booked an appointment to learn how to create a website
to use the garageband
and the i videos too

the place is always busy
the apple store is like apple heaven

next time i go i will call my mother in egypt
its apple heaven and everything is possible



i wish steve jobbs health because the world needs him around
he is such a great inspiration
a modern day hero


"stay hungry,stay foolish" steve jobbs
Have u ever wanted something so bad that you don't want it anymore?
That's me
I don't care anymore
I don't want anything
I am tired
I'm sick of all the struggling
I give up

Thursday, August 25, 2011

fighting to stay

it feels like im fighting for my life
my desire to stay here
to breath good air
to be safe
for basic needs to be met
for higher potential to be fulfilled

my soul is happy here
finally im free

im fighting for my life
for the right to walk

it feels like dying
thinking of going back

no i do not want to go back to sitting around on my ass all day
no i do not want to be stuck in traffic just to see my mother

no i do not want help
no i do not want to be the madam
to order maids and have so many middle men
although its a blessing
it is also a curse

i can not be the boss of them
i can only be the boss of me

the barriers i should keep
the boundaries i should keep
the proffesionalism is hard for me
since i can only be myself
i can only be a friend

i can not build walls around my self

i want to walk in nature
i want to stay
and have a place for my baby to play
for me to lay

i want to stay


dear egypt i love u
but no i do not miss you

oh God let me stay
i know i was meant to stay

now is my time
let me live

i will fight for staying
like one fights for their right to live
because to me here is life
and im finally feeling alive

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I believe in angels

I believe Palestine and isreal should move on kiss n make up and live as friends like they did before in Jerusalem I believe in love 4 land but I think the whole border idea is an illusion created by those who trade weapons! wars are all a work of the  weapon industry the people of the world are all fooled into ideas of borders differences hate race  and sex while the truth is we are all one and the earth is our home the divine created us equal I believe that angels come once called upon I believe that we are all familiar  and that the fastest way to connect with people is to laugh n dance with them

Sunday, August 21, 2011

now that i can breath they say i have to leave

just when i found my place in the world
just when i feel like im finally home
where i can fit
although my heart aches with love to my land
but here im free and i want to stay

i just started breathing and now he speaks of leaving
i just started to live and they say i must go back
i just found my freedom but they said i must come back

although i feel my destiny telling me this is the place for me
im even more beautiful here

i have a place to walk right here
i have a place in the world in here
i do not have to be scared of my own government
i do not have to fear thugs coming my way in here.

here i know that the police will protect me and my baby

here i know that i can speak my mind and not worry about being arrested

here its not weird to say hi to strangers because no one is a stranger
here it is not a fault to be friendly

here i ate with the muslims the christians and the jews


here everyone is my friend
here there is grass and sun
here the trees talk to me and i want to hug each tree
and kiss the ground and thank God for creating such beauty

here they have empowered me
gave me rights and i can breath

here i can be myself and i fit in with those who are fre
here i can dance in the street and take care of my self
here i can sing outloud
here i can be free

here i paint
here i do yoga
here i walk miles of independence

i love egypt but it seems to me like it is the place i wanna die in not live in

the stress level might not be getting to my friends but to me i confess i have been traumatized

since the nights where the police decided its ok to let the prisoners out
when they decided the people of egypt need to learn their lesson for speaking their minds and they cut the phone lines and internet



you might be stronger than me but i cant live like that
every day a new scary story on the local news


of people being kidnapped
and our neighbors in syria and libya being killed one after another
the days of hitler are back
the world sands still

innocent people are killed

and the selfish coward that i am does not want to go back
yes i want to be an atlantic away from all that scares me

yes i want to be where a government is well established
where the people can speak their minds

where having help is not the norm
where democracy is practiced
where the police protects the people and does not terrorize them
where my baby can play
where my baby can eat good food and breath good air
where nobody judges me all the time and interferes with my lif


my time is now
let me live
When I die i wanna say i have lived

as opposed to stayed home on the sofa all day
as opposed to just pleased all the people i should please all the time
those people have lived

let me live too

i want to be happy as opposed to terrified all the time
i want to walk the streets as opposed to cough from everyones cigerette in my face

i want to be free
let me
give me a chance
you owe it to me
if you want to see me die slowly every single day
take me back to the tomb called my land

yes i love it to death but to me it means death

now that i can breath they say i have to leave


just when i started to shine they want to take me away back to the dark
where i dry out like a dried dead flower

let me find my way
let me stay
for Gods sake let me stay
let me live

freedom is my right

Friday, August 19, 2011

artists

you see i dont mean to be mean
or to be self involved
to be an artist i must
or else what would i paint about

things we feel on the sphere of artists and more spirtiual people
and when i say spiritual i mean it
are far more intense
so subtle hatred can be felt because the radar is so sensitive in here


love is well appreciated
neglect is not tolerated
hitlar fans are not welcomed
the german way and no offense to the germans
but the typical german way of law and order is just not possible for us

music and authenticity are welcomed
real people and real emotions are embraced


and nature is deeply apppreciated
love for artists and i speak about my self and my fellow artist is sacred

if love is practical and treated like a routine job it is not needed


loyalty is to extremes a
artists see the chemistry that is willing to spark between the two sexes

artists are on another frequency
dancers
singers
musicans
painters

i realize there are those artists who are cold speak very little and are extremely practical

but im talking about the artist that lives an artistic life
that treats each moment with sacredness
and yes they suffer more
and yes they enjoy more

but artists hurt deeper and feel more to their cores
food is art
love is art
every relationship is a dance and motherhood is a heavenly bond

God is in everything
Sufis too
they live in a trance

its hard to be from that world and deal with people floating in a realistic blaze frequency
their words will hurt
their dos will hurt
their ways will hurt
they will not understand your tears
they will not comprehend your need to connect wit the devine
they will not comprehend the measures to take for love
or the deep need fr independence and complete freedom that you have

they will not understand your interest in people of all cultures and your need to help them
they will not understand how much it affects you when you are surrounded by a negative vibe
or a controller
or someone who wants to mold you into the ordinary


i am nothing
for i came from dust
yet i am everything because inside me is the breath of God
and i am form him
therefore i am great and im worth saving
i am worth being happy and i am worth doing what i feel like doing as long as i do not hurt another being


i cant live with sadness arrogance insensitivity and tyrants
i cant live without my freedom and my rights to love till the end

whats mine is mine whats yours is yours
im from God
just like the birds in the sky
like the tree and the skies

have you seen a bird who has been trying to crawl?
she knows she was meant to fly
she will not be happy crawling
thats why i fly because i can
because i have to
because im an artist and im proud
no apologies

from tousa with love

She said

She said I had reasons to cry
That my sadness was not insanity after all
She said my instincts were right
She said I won't end up like my ancestors
She said I should not shut my mind
She said my baby girl will be strong
God sent her when I had no one
She was there for support
She was the only one who said I'm right
And boy how i needed to hear that
She said all the things that made my heart rest
She said it all and I went home thankful for my sanity
And that she supported me when everyone else doubted me
She said I have rights

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Sun salutation

We were supposed to be dripping with love and romance
The sun kisses my soul and makes it feel ok
Remembrance and surrender are my only way
If these feelings are demons I must still accept myself and love myself
Seeing such beautiful trees makes me feel home
God is not only in Egypt he is everywhere
All I want is to walk and love and dance
All I Want is freedom and respect
All I want is to worship and to lay on the grass
All I want is to love till the end not half way

Monday, August 15, 2011

Shahrazad will fly

Let me fly that's what I was born to do
Let me fly I can't live in a cage anymore
Let me fly I need to flap my wings and roam so high
Let me fly I can not be an extra anymore
Let my light shine take away all the shades
and let me shine even if your eyes can't handle it
Let me run free and then I can fly

Let me fly and when I fly I will fly so high
Let me dream and don't laugh at my dreams they mean a lot to me
Let me cry my tears fall down easily and I'm proud
Don't make me apologize for who I am
Don't take away my accent and don't take away my roots


Let me touch the stars I know I can
Don't cut my wings just because you can
Give me a chance if GOd gave you that power
I need to blossom
It's my time not theirs
They have lived Before and it's my first time
Let me fly if I don't fly I die
And I'm too young to die

Let me taste this sky I feel an angel on my shoulder telling me soon I will fly

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Shahrazad rebels

No I wont obey and apologize for things I believe are my rights

The women of EGypt have suffered much
The women of EGypt have said too little

No I won't be silent again
No you can not treat me like a child

No I won't be just an object

Yes I will die on that hill

No I won't just take the drugs to silent my mind
No you can't cut my wings

No I won't sit there and wait
Until you come and make things right


No I won't be dragged around
No I won't be treated like I'm less
No I won't just cry in the backround while you blossom
No I do not have to blend with the background
No I do not have to be silent just because I'm a woman
Yes I can speak my mind.
Yes I can take care of my self and my baby
Just like I carried her for nine months I can also make decisions
Yes I have rights of information
Because I'm not a little girl you can lead

I will die on that hill
I will not wait for death and the castles in heaven
I can be happy here today if only you give me a chance
To live my own life not the life they think is appropriate
To make my own choices.
To have my sovereignty so I can blossom.



Today I'm not the same anymore because the world is changing and I won't allow them to treat me like my aunt my mother and my grandmother were treated.


I will die on that hill


Shahrazad rebels

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

It's nice

It's Nice to be able to walk with your baby and to know that all the other cars will protect you not run you over
it's good to be in a country where the police genuinely protect the people where the ambulance actually saves people and is there when needed
where women are not second class citizens
where you can speak your mind and not worry about being arrested
where taking care of your child without having a live in nanny is normal and You won't be judged for actually taking care of your own kid
where you can do things yourself and the food you eat you can trust and tap water is not cancerous but actually good for your teeth and better than bottled water
it's nice to be treated like a human being and thanks to tahrir square it's nice to say ur Egyptian in a country like California 

Sovereignty

Sovereignty a word I learned lately here in California.
Turns out it's what I need to be happy and free.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Mubaraks trial

First I was sad for some odd reason to see my x president in a cage
Then I saw his dyed hair
The nose picking
The bed
And I realized it's not that he is on trial
It's that he is in a cage ,on a bed
Too dramatic
Too humiliating
And manipulative for the naive public that is me

My imagination went to this:
X president: so what do they want now?
Y: they wanna see you on trial behind bars
X: is it not enough all we have done
Y:this is what it will take for them to calm down
X:after all I have done for them
Y: they have been possessed by an evil power but don't worry we will protect you
X: I am a war hero for GODs sake
Y: we all know but the dogs won't stop barking until you are on trial and it's good for our global image
X: isn't it enough all the chaos that happened since I left don't they see why I held a tight grip on them,the islamists are out and they will take over, anyway I will do it for Egypt but I will be on my bed and I want my sons with me
Y: the bed is a great idea that will get the publics sympathy most people love you
X: I do not care anymore history will prove my innocence
Y:yes sir

And thats my humble scenario and I think the worst part of it is our judicial system putting people in cages during a trial instead of having
them seated like human beings in their own clothes until proven guilty