Change

Have you ever slept so hungry that you woke from dreaming of delicious food on your tongue making your mouth water?

Well that is how I woke in the middle of the night and ran to my fridge in excitement trying to make it before the fagr prayer marks the begining of my fast. It always gave me a thrill to catch the last sip of water before the call of prayer. 

It is my first time to experience ramadan out of my parents house, I never thought I would be the one buying the groceries and making the decision of which kind of soup will be the star of the meal. It is at those times like Ramadan when change really hits you. I look around me in my apartment and I ask my self  how did I get here and when did all of this happen? 

I visit my mom to where my only home was and suddenly I realize I have become a visitor and now I belong somewhere else. My parent's familiar faces suddenly become less familiar and my husband's face becomes as familiar as my own. I became an extention of him rather than them. I used to wait for him to come visit just last year and now they wait for me to come and there is always a time that I leave. 

I start seeing the beauty of our family's house I do not take it for granted anymore, I start appreciating all the details that my mom pays attention to. And I look at my sister and I can not beleive I am married like her, she was always the big girl and I was the baby, how come now we are both in similar boats?

I never thought I would really leave, and after one year it really hits me that I did. I look at him and wonder how come we got this far in so little time and now we are family? How am I living with a man? How come this house has no grown ups? Where are my sisters? As events happen you get cought up with all the things you need to do and all you think about is how much you can not wait to leave your parents house and live in the arms of the man of your dreams, and when you do, no matter how happy you are, you look back and remember that it was not so bad back home. You did not have to worry about a thing, you were a spoiled princess and you did not even enjoy it, because you did not know how much more you are supposed to be doing in the future. Running a house is not easy, I was introduced to things I did not know were part of life, when I was cought up in lala land.

Grocerries, laundry, dishes, paying money to so many people who show up on your door step and keeping track of so many mundane details, that you had no idea existed can be a surprise.

To all the girls still with their parents; enjoy the pampering while it lasts. To all our mothers: how do you do it so good and for all this time? I realise I still do not have kids and I am talking like that, I realize I do get help and I am talking like that, but food, clothes and making a house into a home can be a fulltime job.

Mother I am sorry I took all the things you did for granted, how did you manage to manage so gracefully and always looking so good? 

God Bless you mom, I never thought we would be visitors in each other's houses, I am sorry I always burdened you with my messy room.

God Bless you dad I never thought another man would make my dreams come true, I am sorry I go home with someone I love, who is not you.

I love you now more than ever, I miss being a part of you.