not a piece of meat

everyone is in your buisness in cairo
that is why so many people left
and you can not walk the streets for pleasure or even for excersice
because the sidewalks are crooked and breathing the fumes of the cars is no fun
you find yourself tired after one errand
you find your self hiding away
afraid to show up like this or like that because of all the things the people will say

everyone has to comment about everything and we are the masters of misunderstandings
you say one thing and you get a phone call to make it clear you meant the thing and not the opposite
and in the end you have to apologize anyway


keep quiet i say
talk in general terms
and stay away from zamalek when the famous soccer teams in cairo play
cars are broken! so much frustration

you can be robbed! but it is usually safe
you can be sent to jail if you speak up too loud
avoid religious, ppolitical or sexual talks in any gathering

you can be told to shut up by family and friends
and you will be told to keep it down if you are a blogger like me
revealing so much, even about ideas, broad ideas, is not acceptable in the elite social scene
any sort of artist must tone it down a bit hold it back think a million times and consider the opinions of aunt x
and uncle z because poker faces are perfect for the princes and princesses of the social scene

some arts are not acceptable like dancing and singing and acting
you must come from a very liberal confident family if you decide to take that path


and you will always be judged for what ever you do or say
and the less arabic you speak the better it is for your prestige

we do have a few famous sluts roaming the social scene
they do not care what people say they gave up their reputation and they do not want women for friends
some make spells with real magic and some reveal too much meat to meet the taste of the egyptian man who likes to see wiggling flesh
ewww
i know

but the thing is, the men marry the non sluts and like to stare at the slutty ones
the men make their wives or girlfriends cover up and at the outings drool at the women with the least clothes who walks and talks like she is nothing but an object

egyptian traditons allow men to stare at other women, laugh hysterically, drool a little and then make cheap jokes forever, and egyptian traditions expect wives to smile and go along with the jokes because heaven forbid that she is thought to be of the jelous type or worse not cool, or worse not enjoying being humilated and ignored.

typical egyptian men reach their worse when they travel to a party alive country, they want to visit bars and stare more and laugh more with their married friends, laughing i think becomes a hysterical nervous reaction to hot women in general or anything female that moves. and if staring is all they do the women are lucky because when abroad the rules usually vanish and marriage certificates only work within a country's boundaries.

women are not allowed to recopricate the men's ways. to stare at pretty men, comment and drool or make their husbands look like fools.

they are also expected to dress like nuns and talk and walk with respect and keep their limits of the friendly touches is the common norm.

the thing men do not realize is that the slutty ways are the easiest thing and any woman can turn on the red light and seduce any male she wants to seduce, but those who seduce any moving man and delete the brainy mode are usually more desirable in the male psyche.

lady gaga would be laughed at in the egyptian singing world if she was born egyptian
because she is not displaying herself as a sexy cute object for the man to admire
she is strong
larger than life and she does not care
my friends thought she wore the meat outfit to say that she does not mind that people view her as a piece of meat
while actually she said the opposite
she wore the meat as a statement that she is not a piece of meat
seeing her sing with so much strength and talent you would know she would never say so
she is strong and she does not care what they think
like all the great artists
it is not so bad to be weird after all
nobody asks her why she she is not the clone of every other girl

that is why she is not from here

Dr please care about me!

i used to watch grey's anatomy thinking it will make me stronger but it almost killed me with all the drama
i realized if every time it feels like dying seeing the characters suffer on the hospital beds then this is not entertainment
its more like sadism. knowing that i might be sick in other ways but not in a way that enjoy my own torture i decided no more Grey's Anatomy for me after all they do warn before certain movies that sensitive viewers can not handle it, so i'm no freak they even labeled me and warned me. so I am a sensitive viewer! yay! i have an excuse and not just that im a sensitive listener too so do not just throw on me a horror story, and yes my stomach is sensitive too so i can not eat the fried onions on your dinner table.

on the other hand im a sensitive friend, family member, lover and all so you can guarantee a high degree of sensitivity when i'm dealing with you it will be with great care and i will make you feel good about yourself, i will make you laugh too and i will see all your beauty that some people failed to see. i won't ask you too many questions because i know interrogation is not socializing, although recently i have become the victim to the curiosities of everyone, so many questions are dropped on my head and i have no time to answer the friendly nosy strangers who think friendly means information rape in a limited time.

some people take away everything from you all sorts of information and leave you drained, they want to know everything about you and your family and you are caught off guard so you answer before you think and then you realize you could have resisted all these questions and refrained from answering.

dates, names, places, and prices too. where did you get this and for how much? and even more intimate questions and you become a victim and before revenge they disappear.

but beyond all these simple annoyances there is someone in the society of cairo who is more powerful than the rest of us. our lives are in his hands, he can ask any question, he can say anything, and he can scare you to death and make you feel safe. you trust him blindly and he can literally kill you or give you life again.

this is the doctor, the man who has all the power on earth after God. most Egyptian doctors compete in having their clinics as crowded as possible. the more vulnerable patients sitting and waiting helplessly for hours the bigger his prestige. and he is the big star behind the desk he goes in and the extras like the nurses and the staff run around like bees to get things ready. His phone is always ringing and based on so many things will he answer you or not.

the smart egyptians always befriend a dr. he will be the most important person in your family's life so kissing ass is mandatory. pediatrics suffer from phobic parents and become more important than siblings on your mobile phones.
but there is something different about the doctors in Egypt something like a halo around their heads.

maybe it is because very few are actually good and there are so many drs out there waiting to be recognized and so many graduates who have no chance. but those who made it into the lime light are stars of the society because we need them so much and they know how valuable they are.

there are different styles: there is the keep it simple all will be good and happy dr.
there is the dr who makes you take millions of tests and makes you think a cough is just as bad as aids so he or she scare you to death until each result and you feel like they just saved your life each time.
there is also the medicine giver who can stuff you with all sorts of medications to make your symptom go away and does not care if the side effects kill you.
there is also the arrogant "im a god dr" who confused his power of saving lives with God's power and he treats you from above like you are a piece of shit and all your worries and questions are so stupid like you and that you are so ignorant because you are not a doctor.

so the smart people always befriend the doctor keep him close make him care, because most doctors anticipate any chance for surgery so the one who knows you too well wont jump to the chance to cut you open.

you hope you are not just a number to them that they care for you.
they are mostly good people and if you find a doctor you trust do not let him go ever because he or she will save you.
make them love you, try to be special, do not bore them.
in cairo patients are at a competition to be loved and the more doctors friends you have the safer you are.

in California a stranger doctor made me feel more human than the best of my friends, he did not scare me, he did not tell me personal stories of other patients, something i have no idea why doctors do, i thought there was a confidentiality oath, they think they are entertaining you, what they do not know is that entertainment is jim carrey's job and secrecy is supposed to be theirs, in most civilized places drs do not tell you the secret tragedies of other patients whom you know due to the tiny social circle we all run in. and being a patient and not a scientist all you care about is your case or the positive results that someone with your symptoms have after being cured and please no names required here too.


the most emotionally damaging is: the your case is serious and i will leave you to think your life is over until i decide its time you know you have a chance to live, when you are actually fine approach!

but what is worse here is the jealousy between doctors each doctor has to laugh a little at the other doctor's style and politely belittle him by saying dr.x is my student.

its a huge mess in cairo, and when you go to the states you find them asking you for totally different things and they see things so differently there. what you thought was an incurable disease they probably know about and have the answer to and they will not make you feel stupid or that you are less human because you are not a doctor. and in most cases they will be astonished at all the medications you have been taking, things they introduce as a last resort.

but you will be in a clean place feeling safe and knowing that you do not need to be their friend for them to tell you the truth.
and that there is no hidden agendas and who your dad is does not matter to them, and who you know will also not make a difference.

but never did i know the importance of being a doctor, knowing a good doctor, and why the traditional egyptian family wants their son to be a doctor, like i do now.

God why did you not make me a good doctor?
now being an artist seems like such a trivial job or thing to do.
while they save lives i paint canvases only.
while i can not watch Grey's anatomy they live in it.

with all due respect to Egyptian doctors, they all have their amazing points of strength but certainly something is wrong and needs to be at least mentioned.

every time i visit an egyptian doctor i want to say: doctor, please care about me i am not just a number!

from Cairo Ramadan to Lausanne

arriving to this cozy cute little airport of theirs was so comforting
it is small, unthreatening, and endearing


seeing Lausanne after Ramadan in Cairo i thought i must have died and went to heaven
every scene is postcard beauty material
the level of peace there is surreal
i felt like i came from another planet
in this part of Switzerland where they squeak in french rather than speak,
where they sing in high pitch voices saying bonjour at every corner instead of speaking like the rest of us
i felt like i was belle from beauty and the beast


the frequency that Lausanne vibrates with is higher than any other
people are floating not walking
the quiet could be felt from the earth
any silence anywhere else could never compare
in Lausanne you arrive and suddenly you feel so much peace that you want to be quiet
and you wonder why you made so much noise in your life before Lausanne.

it is a picture perfect place
like a still life painting that is too pretty that you do not want to believe it
How often does an amazing lake find a place before the mountains?
how often do birds fly so peacefully and air is so fresh and crisp all you want to do is breathe
nobody is loud in Lausanne
people are different there

mostly dressed in beiges and whites the few locals have some how agreed that these colors are best
A zen feeling fills the place
if you are aware you feel a great spiritual vibe too
a practical, simple, a higher frquency to everything


it is a place you go to and you feel like its good to be alive
and that you want to live
i look around me as i walk and i see old people in groups
walking eating movenpick ice-cream
people have the will to grow old in Lausanne
Life is worth living in a place like this.
Surrounded with so much beauty why not live more?

Every tree is a masterpiece with a different print on the trunk and a majestic peaceful feel to it.
Trees look happier and wiser there, something like the nature in the avatar movie is what I could see.

The waters of the lake are not like any other, from the boat I could see the sun's reflection making it glitter and glow like a diamond. Being there you feel lucky and you want to shut everyone up and ask are you guys kidding? Is this beauty normal? Who gets used to this?


my friends who live there said the perfection here gets boring after a while
i would not know
but the chaos and lack of oxygen here in Cairo also gets boring
In a place like Lausanne someone coming from Cairo would blossom like a flower that needed water and sunshine.
I did not want to miss one breath and I could feel my skin glow without the grey layer of dust.

The swiss are so clean and it's not because they have more soap, it is because the whole country is glittering in perfection.
Even the little blonde kids are perfect.
Babies and children there are a joy to watch.
other than the fact that they are adorable and naturally cute they behave so differently than my local kids from Cairo

God has given them so much beauty in Lausanne
in the nature, in the people and the children too
perfect little creatures silently politely existing to make the lives of their parents more joyful
I searched the place with my bare eyes and no, no there are no nannies from the Philippines and the poorest countries of Africa running around insane little monsters like in Cairo. Kids sit like normal human beings with their parents quietly and in the most civil ways, they are a joy to the world.

I started getting flashbacks of my summer in the egyptian northcoast where each mommy has a nanny and each child is a scare to watch or handle. Each child has a walking paid adult running after them following their every move and meeting their every wish or command. The children at haciendas are spoiled beyond measure and the Philippines and Nigeria and Ethiopia have found a new colony in cairo's rich homes.

These nannies have no authorities over the kids and the kids run around like monsters making it seem like parenting is a stupid choice if the outcome would be kids who are impossible to handle.

i sat through a friendly lecture in Lausanne and in the room was a mom and her daughter who is a two year old girl who is prettier than your dreams can picture or imagine and cuter than kittens and puppies in their first weeks of life, the girl sat through an one hour lecture that i fidgeted through. she sat quietly and peacefully and i was in shock. i looked beside me and another mom was there with her five week baby born sleeping in a wrap, the baby slept in peace on her stomach and heart, reminded by his position in the womb the baby was quiet and peaceful. i look to my left and another baby slept in peace through out the lecture and suddenly it dawned on me the Cairo way of parenting is not the only Way! life is not over if you become a parent, and children do not have to be the monsters we see screaming and acting insane. i wondered if it was nature or nurture.

At the lunch break the little girl ate by her self with no noise or fuss she sat on her dad's lap and chewed peacefully. They sat at our table so I thought it would be my chance to ask the heroic mommy how she does it, and how her toddler acts like a sane blessing not a monster.

i asked her if it was genetics or something they did so well. the mommy answered me with what i realized is the answer to every mom in the world who has no clue how parents can make it without a nanny to rely on and a little monster to keep distracted away. she said she read a book called "THE BABY WHISPERER" and ladies and gentlemen this is the answer to all the problems of parents.

The mom told me its all about structure and keeping a strict routine of eating sleeping and activity. In the book the author calls it e.a.s.y; EAT, ACTIVITY, SLEEP,AND YOU TIME. She said babies love routines and structure and she got up to take the lovely little girl of hers to sleep, in the middle of the lunch she had to leave the social scene and attend to the structure and routine of the baby girl that keeps her so peaceful and a joy to be around. i wanted to tattoo the words "THE BABY WHISPERER" on my forehead for my future in parenthood to be safe.

And I promised myself to read this apparently amazing book before bringing a lost child into the world and not to leave my child to become another monster in the world who walks with a poor nanny behind him or her and not to bring more misery to my country by having another spoiled brat who adds to the noise pollution and makes everyone else uncomfortable. So help me God!
Ofcourse everyone needs help and affording help is a blessing but the way the elite of Egypt do it is not in anyway normal. seeing the angel that is the little girl act the way she did you would understand what i mean and how it is so not normal what is happening in my cairo with the socially fortunate parents and their little monsters who are left to the help.

From Ramadan to Lausanne it really felt like I was a good girl during ramadan so God took me to heaven to see how wonderful things could be .

From God : to us ( on fasting)

Allah’s Messenger (sallaAllahu alayhe wasallam) said: “Allah said: “Every good deed performed by son of Adam is a credit for him but fasting is exclusively Mine and I give reward for it. Fasting is a shield against sins. Therefore, when any of you is fasting he should neither indulge in obscene language nor raise the voice. If anyone abuses him or quarrels with him, he should say: I am fasting. By Him in Whose Hand is Muhammad’s soul! The smell coming out of the mouth of a person fasting is more pleasant to Allah than the smell of musk. And he who fasts has two occasions of joy. One is when he breaks the fast, and the second is when he meets his Lord.”" (This Hadith is sound and reported by Bukhari and Muslim)

from our beloved prophet to us

Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him addressed his companions on the last day of Sha`ban, saying, "Oh people! A great month has come over you; a blessed month; a month in which is a night better than a thousand months; month in which Allah has made it compulsory upon you to fast by day, and voluntary to pray by night. Whoever draws nearer (to Allah) by performing any of the (optional) good deeds in (this month) shall receive the same reward as performing an obligatory deed at any other time, and whoever discharges an obligatory deed in (this month) shall receive the reward of performing seventy obligations at any other time. It is the month of patience, and the reward of patience is Heaven. It is the month of charity, and a month in which a believer's sustenance is increased. Whoever gives food to a fasting person to break his fast, shall have his sins forgiven, and he will be saved from the Fire of Hell, and he shall have the same reward as the fasting person, without his reward being diminished at all."Narrated by Ibn Khuzaymah

this city this month

cairo is my home
i keep saying it but i want to say it more
even if we know for sure and it is fact that so many other places are way better than this city
i still want to live in this capital or 20 minutes away no more than that

i feed on this chaos here
i wish for it to be solved of course
i wish i can fix it all
but then again im happy here
and coming from the beautiful beach and fresh air i missed the place i call home
wanted to go back so bad and itched for this place
ramadan has a lot to do with it
i love ramadan in cairo
nothing like it, nothing can compare
maybe in mecca it would be even more amazing but i would want some time in cairo too

im so lucky i grew up here and the traditions were engraved in me
its so important to grow up doing something
and to be around those who do it to
for it to stick like a norm
and then you grow up to love and miss it

cairo is my home
ramadan is time to polish the heart
to take a break
to take the shallow world out of our hearts and bring on the light of God
it is time to pray to love to fast to eat to think and to connect
to visit family and friends to feel at one
something unites us and it is magical how a city eats at the same time and fasts at the same time
and rushes to do good at the same time

Cairo i love you
ramadan you are leaving so fast again
i love all of those who fasted together and ate together
i love the quiet streets and the sound of the call of prayer
i love it here and i wish to always be here in this holy month
no other place can compare
here the angels spread in ramadan and the devils are chained through the month
so what ever sins we sin are from our own selves

nothing is like a holy month in a great city like this
polish your heart and awaken it wherever you are
its time to see things clearly now
there is no better time reach for higher places
beyond the small world here
now gates are open for prayers
now angels fill our homes and streets
now everyone who is aware can feel the higher frequency
but it is a choice to be lazy and waste this time or to capture the light while it floods the earth and our souls
be thankful for being at a place that respects this time
you could have been somewhere else where nobody cares that its ramadan and holding on is like holding on to coal


whoever you are, wherever you are it is a special time
it's our christmas, and glittering streets sing in joy
hearts are kinder
stomaches are empty
souls are purified
nights are not meant for sleep anymore, they're meant for prayers and those who want to repent
don't miss out on the great things that are happening
get to know your angel now

mercy is the theme


i love this city, this month