"Feed the soul, let the body fast" Rumi

The more we are deprived the more we long for what we can not have.

All I could think of is food while fasting here in Palo Alto.

The day is longer than the day back home. The Sun sets very late.

The whole city shines for so many more hours than back home.

I can do nothing when I am fasting, I can say nothing when I am fasting, I can only lay down 

and close my eyes, breathe in and out. However I am enjoying my helplessness, I am enjoying the empty feeling in my stomach, in a sadistic way I am enjoying the pain of hunger and separation from all that I crave. I am enjoying being an obedient slave to my creator, separation from all my body's comfort zone is giving me a buzz. I am light headed, I am easily breakable, I am vulnerable, I am tired but I love it. I'm feeling a bit heroic doing it here when the day is longer when everybody else does not. It is a bigger test that until now I think I am passing.

My beautiful mother told me maybe I have low blood pressure to be so tired , I guess she is right, all the blacking out must be for a reason. I am enjoying the different life here, however I miss my family and all our family traditions. I guess I have my own beautiful family now, which is weird because I have always been the youngest part of a bigger family. I have always been one of the passengers never have I been one of the crew. 

Everything is more beautiful here, the food, the trees, the air, the water. If only all our loved ones would come here. If only life was not always either or, if only there was not always something pinching your happiness in the back reminding you of other things missing.

Nothing is perfect, life is not perfect, no one can have it all, this is why it is temporary, it is not it, it is too painful to be heaven and too beautiful to be hell, this is life on earth. Bits of happiness, bits of sadness, bits of both, and a lot of sleep. If sleep is the smaller death like they call it then maybe death is comfortable in the end, you do not feel a thing.

why am i talking about death? maybe because it is not the worst thing. Maybe life and death are two ends of the same coin and I should try to accept that. The more you love the people you love the more you fear losing them. Love is fear.