CLeopatra's Confessions

confessions:

I ate popcorn with butter on it!!

I could not fast more than two days in the states my body was collapsing.

My father ordered me not to fast here and make up the days I skipped when I go back to Cairo,being a good daughter, I just had to listen. The sun set at eight is something my anemic body can not handle. 

 

I went to the dentist here in California, for a normal cleaning, and I feel like I have been betrayed.

I have a wisdom tooth that he found, he said it had to be removed. That is very common, however I kind of had a deal with my teeth; other people go through this, but not me, not me and my teeth. I always hear a friend say I just got my tooth removed and I am in pain, I was always sympathetic and I always wished them well, however deep inside I always thought, this could not happen to me. 

I guess thats how it is with life when things are fine you look around and find others with problems, you feel sympathetic, you support them, and you feel like in a weird way it will not happen to you, until it does. When it does you remember when your friend or relative told you about it, and how you somehow dismissed it after a while, now it is completely different being in the situation exactly.

You feel betrayed that some kind of deal with circumstance was broken. You are disappointed , you are scared, you realize it could be a lot worse, you try to find a silver lining, you try to create a worse scenario  so you can accept this one. You try to understand what you should learn from it. You deal with it, you have to go through with it, you put a smile on to comfort the ones you love. It passes, you realize that it was not as bad as you thought it would be, painful of course, but you are proud of yourself for going through with it with grace. And when you are in bed and you can not go out all that matters is those who will come to visit, and the people who love you who are around you and support you. You feel bad for all the times you did not pay enough attention to them, for all the times you put other things first, for all the times you were mad at them, and you hate yourself for not being there for them before. You promise your self that when you get better you will change, you will do more effort, and be a better human being. You find out who your true friends are and how family should always come first. You thank God for making this too pass, you promise God you wont drift so far when things get better, that you wont get distracted once you leave this bed, once you are back on your feet. And when you are better, you forget all your promises, you drift, you are distracted, your priorities get mixed up again, and you are back to square one, at least I am. That is what happens with me, not just when I realize I have to remove my wisdom tooth but many other times too.

Being alive you just have to face it, endure it, wait for things to change, see the lining, or else you wont be able to go through with it.