If you want to know about a country's culture, attend a local wedding. We were invited to a Serbian wedding, to my surprise Serbia is in no way European. If Serbian traditions were children their ancestors would be a mix of Greek, Turkish and Russian. Before the ceremony the grooms' friends meet with the groom. So does the bride's friends, they too meet up at a different place, to meet and greet I guess and start the day in the right mood. At two p.m. we were schedualed to meet at a beautiful cozy courtyard for early drinks and three musicians set the mood for the day. In broad daylight unlike Egyptian traditions the event starts. We were expected to meet at two p.m. Mingle and get warmed up for apparently a full day of celebration.
While an Egyptian bride would be taking a siesta, resting or getting a massage, a Serbian bride would be already in her dress with hair and make up on.
We went to an ancient church filled with iconography and paintings of Jesus and all the saints covered the wall and ceilings. I love churches, I love all houses of God. In this Wedding, in this church; we all stand up during the ceremony on both sides of the bride and groom. The holy bond is sealed as the priest recites long passages from the Bible and an invisible choir sings as chorus in angelic high notes, soprano I guess. They sing from a high hidden balcony that only shows a fence and the back of the mistro. They have a lot of different traditions, very different from the Catholic wedding I attended before. The priest covers the holding hands of the bride and groom with a white hankerchief like we do in a muslim marriage and asks the blushing bride questions and she answers with a soft modest voice, and then he goes on to ask the groom other questions and he answers in shyness and joy. The church is filled with scents, exactly like those we put in our mosques and homes back home. It was strangely familiar, I figured this must be the Turkish influence. They both drink honey as a symbol of a hopefully sweet life. and then they walk around, three times to symbolise a life of longevity and happiness. They then kiss and everyone sighs.
It was interesting how the father does not walk the bride to the groom and how the famous here comes the bride music does not play. People now were heading to the wedding reception or party. On our way out we were harrassed by gypsies wearing rags and looking like dangerous pirates, young kids and old women begging infront of the church just like they do back home in Egypt infront of mosques, but here they even kneel to the ground. It seemed so familiar yet scary how the toothless middle aged woman spoke in her deep voice. She was demanding and she would not take no for an answer, I do not speak Serbian but I'm pretty sure it meant give me some cash. I could hardly walk in my heels and she was not making it easy, however in my dress I did look like I had money, what she did not know was that in my tiny bag I only had room for my lip gloss and phone to text my mom and sisters. She did not understand me when I tried to tell her that.
The bride and groom left in their cute classic red decorated car and off to the reception destination they led the way. We all followed in cabs especially those who came from abroad like us. Our names were printed on little cards and every name was assigned to a table number. I looked at the number of chairs in the place and realized Serbian Weddings are intimate compared to common Egyptian ones, where those you once said hello to would pout and carry grudges if they were not invited. It was an indoor white wedding and food was served from the very beggining, as tables were being filled with seated guests, something funny happened. One of our friends who came from abroad got a little too drunk and disrupted the event with an endless need for attention.
She took control of the ceremony and photographer like she was the sister of the bride yet she was nothing close to that. I felt like we were in a Ben Stiller comedy as she dragged the photographer by the hand and asked him to shoot her with almost every single guest in the place. The whole place was looking, some were silently laughing, others were staring but no one knew what was going on and why this guest was behaving so. Apperantly her friends were used to this but the Serbians and the bride's family were in complete shock and wide eyes. She meant well her friends loved her but we were all worried about the brides reaction to the weird guest's behavior. Fortunately they managed to take her home and end the problem before it went out of hand.
Finally when all the guests were seated the bride and groom arrive and the whole room stands up to applaud their grand enterance. They eat sweet bread and dip it in honey I guess, and on to the first dance they swing and hug in love. The band was incredible two extremely talented young singers and musicians behind them, and they rocked the place all day long. The first love song described the place : "love is in the air" and it was. The seemingly shy crowd loosened up after a while of romantic songs and visits to the bar and in no time everyone was on their feet dancing and celebrating.
When the Serbian music started playing the whole place held hands and started stomping their feet moving very fast in a big big circle of love and joy. It seemed very greek and very firm, the Serbian dance, yet very honorable and also soldier like. The hips and waist stay still as the legs stomp very hard very quickly in a specific count to the right and then to the left the whole circle starts moving the other direction at a specific count. They could go on for six songs straight, it was hard to keep up with them, they were singing from their hearts what seemed to be songs they grew up listening to. It was so clear to me how the power of the dance in the circle is universal and joyous.
In Egyptian weddings too the guests gather in a huge circle and the bride and groom are in the middle and everyone claps and dances too. All the main things were common, they even had the video of childhood pictures which is also very common in Egyptian weddings. The maid of honor and the best man however play a vital role in a Serbian wedding. During the actual ceremony in the church they are supposed to stand behind the bride and groom holding a candle in each hand until the ceremony was over which was thirty minutes. They had to stand tall and still and they had to be comfortable with all the spot light, like it was their big day too.
From two pm until two a.m we partied untill we could not feel our feet anymore.
Many people sang beautiful songs to the bride and groom. Close friends and family gave little speeches including the bride and groom. It was very heartfelt and intimate. I did not know them well since they were my husbands friends living abroad, however after sharing the joyous day with them I felt like an old friend. We decided it was time to leave and we were heading back to the hotel with our amazing Brazilian friends. A perfect ending to this night was the music playing in the cab, it was Micheal Jackson.
As I took the last look at the Serbian wounded buildings Micheal Jackson was singing my favorite song. Heal the world make it a better place for you and for me and the entire human race. There are people dying if you care enough for the living. The words were perfect in Serbia, the cab driver could speak little English but he understood Micheal Jackson's quest for peace. Our Brazilian friend was fascinated at the universal power of music. He said Micheal Jackson is gone but his music still plays. I could not agree more, the king's voice was keeping us company in Serbia, giving hope to a place tainted with war. It was the best way to end such a beautiful night.
We only had two hours to run to the airport and catch our flight back to Cairo.
At the airport reality checks with me at the passport check. A young man sits behind the glass looks at my passport, looks to his right to his collegue and they both start laughing. I always knew I had limitations being an Egyptian, like needing a visa everywhere, but I never knew my passport was funny. He asked me for my sur name and I could feel my body burning with anger, I said Mohamed Hafez and again the man started laughing unconrollably as if I cracked a joke. They both spoke in Serbian again and continued laughing as he flipped through my passport with disrespect. With amusement he stamped it and let me go, and my husband thanked him, although I do not know for what. I wished I had the power to report the man, to call human rights, but I was afraid, I was scared, all I wanted was to leave this racist place.
I cried like a baby and it was more out of shock than self pity. I did not expect the world to still be like that. Serbia does feel like it is in another era, a time where racism was normal. Do not get me wrong there are many amazing people in Serbia however it is enough those people at the airport to make it a place I will avoid. I was sad not just for me, for humanity, for human beings to still be like that. I missed my counrty more and could not wait to be treated normally. I never thought I would experince racism for my name, I never thought I would get a glimpse of what history taught me about the Jews life in Germany, and what the African Americans went through in the states. It seemed like Hitler dropped some of his genes in the Serbian airport.
Still I did enjoy sharing the joy at the wedding and I did find it interesting to see a side of the world I did not know existed. The Muslims there should really move, it is so hard for them.
I remembered Micheal Jackson's song and I prayed that God heals the world and makes it a better place for me and for you and for the entire human race. I once wished to see the world now I have to edit my wish I want to see just the kind world. Reality is unbearable and not everything is worth seeing.
I could have ignored all the negative, I could have done like my husband did, however I think selected focus is a blessing not an acquired trait. I wish I was built like that, like I did not notice so much, but I guess high perception gives you things to write about. Maybe it is ok to see things and feel things so you can pray for better things.
May this world be healed, May it be a better place for everyone especially the children who will live in it. Thank God for talent, Thank God for kindness, Thank God for joy, Thank God for Music and the power it has to heal, Thank God for the art that Micheal Jackson left behind.
Heal the World Make it a better place.
