well that has happened to me a bit too much lately that I have made a deal with my self never to take sides ever again and not to support even my closest friends or family.
the problem is i am passionate so i get fired up when I hear injustice and then i become the evil one in the story since people always mend their wounds together with time and i remain feeling the wound alone, a wound that is not even mine, a wound that the person who first felt it has already dismissed it.
People can be weird like that, they tell you about their experience which is full of injustice and when naturally your empathy takes over they act like they themselves do not care.
this is not a rhetoric question i write here in hope of getting replies or comments. It is my therapy in ways and the best times are when people comment, so tell me is it only me with this problem?
i am sharing this so that if someone out there experienced it, my advise is to keep ur empathy to your self and try to listen silently with sympathetic eyes and sealed lips.
so many times have i carried the grudges that do not belong to me and I can not act normally around the people i have heard horror stories about, when in fact those who were the original carriers of the grudges can deal fine with their offenders, so i am left betrayed and the only freak in the show. The only one who can not act civilized is usually me because im feeling too much for those who moved on a long time ago.
why do i care so much? how can i stop caring?
i am just off a conversation where i was trying to help someone by talking to their parent .
ReplyDeletethe parent every once in a while when things get complicated complains and wants help etc...
then when i take the issue personally and get involved emotionally and make it my issue ! you get the : no , there is noting wrong with my child , whats wrong with you , no thats wrong my child is perfect !!
i thought you had a problem ?
no ...
then it becomes my fault of getting involved and seeing the problems which the parent either knows of and choose not to do anything about , or don't have a clue of , and i become the guilty one for trying to fix them !
the parent wasn't ready for a real change ..
does that mean i better not mind anymore ?
well ... i don't force my opinion on anyone , however always welcome a healthy talk .
so :
i don't get fully involved unless i c someone really wants help , not just releasing steam , which means they will eventually get back to their old system and forget what they just told me , while leaving me still involved mentally and emotionally .
however if they really need help , which i first have to make sure of , even if it takes a long time for me to do so ; then i don't save my time and effort , i give it to them .
first and for most thank u soooo much for commenting
ReplyDeletefor writing
wow that is really funny if you think of it
and it is so true
it happened to me a lot the trying to find a solution part especially, and then getting the no need to interfere comment or look
when people complain to me i feel a duty to solve and maybe all they need is an ear
:)
ReplyDelete" when people complain to me i feel a duty to solve and maybe all they need is an ear "
my problem is i was not the best person to get involved in a problem and being expected not to do anything .
However based on what i've seen and experienced in the past years i've become a lot better at it .
especially after i was in this thing where it was very complicated , lots of problems etc... i am in it, they don't care about solving the smallest problem , i c all , start helping etc...
then i find out as the days passed that they are the type of people that enjoy being in problems !!
However every once in a while they'd give off some steam ... then feel comfi in their cloud of problems .
they've been like that for years !!!
putting them and me together was like dissolving oil in water ! and i guess you'd have a better chance at that oil .
well, after such an experience you learn from your mistakes of giving your all for those who either don't want it , or don't appreciate it .
ma that's why they say : fool me once shame on you , fool me twice shame on me
exactly
ReplyDeletei know what u mean i had to drift away from a friend who refused all solutions and in the end i realize she might be thriving in the dark addicted to her comfort zone which is living in depression and i was like the flashing light that hurt her eye my positivity has probably sickened her and made her want to drown more in her problem that she got used to