Cleopatra in Serbia

Europe is Europe, east or west the girls will know how to dress. The people here are all fashion statements, unlike california the sight of the cotton t-shirts, wife beater tops, and flip flops is extinct. I see dresses, I see patterns, I see tall beautiful girls with sharp features and bold hair colors. I feel like I have turned on Fashion t.v. and the models popped out of the t.v and became the ordinary people. Even Zara the Shop here is more elaborate it has been sparked with european taste. I realize Serbia is not France, however love is in the air. During my stay in California I did not see what I expected the no couples in the street syndrome was spread in the city. Here Love is an art not just the physical need. Here I enjoy watching the silent gazes and eye kisses, the couples fully engrossed in each other kissing in the street, is always a sight I love to see. I have always wanted to travel with the one I love and one of the main reasons was public affection. Here every couple walks out of a fifties french romantic movie and love is about romance.

I wish the Egyptians and the Americans would learn something from the Europeans. Forget practicality, remember European romance. I feel like I am in another era, coca cola bottles are small in glass and popped open with a bottle opener, and they taste so good. little Evian glass bottles that also need a bottle opener to get to the water in them. Drinks taste better in glass, than they do in plastic and metal. Things are small and charming unlike the American theory of the bigger the better. A huge Cafe culture, and no sight of greasy diners. Old building bruised from brutal wars, walls that tell stories and carry pains and joys of those who lived in them. Graffiti that covers the buildings and couples who look like each other walking in their own pace in total harmony and isolation from the world. The streets are grey, the way is not straight and little alleys pave your way to nostalgia. Something about Serbia screams Beirut!

War marks on the buildings, people who killed each other for their differences, and beautiful women dressed up like super models. A night life that you will not find in the rest of Europe and music that is louder than any I have heard before.

The  moment I rode with the crazy cab driver who thought he was a formula one driver in his old car with his tiger teddy bear in the back, and a million lucky charms hanging on the mirror, I felt home. This is like Cairo, Chaotic, poor, yet endearing! However You could feel the traces of war every where and an obsession with fashion and weight, in an ordinary cafe you would find that Fashion t.v is the channel that the flat screen is set to. There is a place in Serbia that looks a lot like Solidaire in Beirut: many cafes next to each other spread along the sidewalks and humidity that you find in a beach city. The river here looks a lot like the Nile. They used it to plant flouting open air clubs that are aligned next to each other and the youth gather in style to dance and enjoy their precious nights.

I could feel the tension in the air of the street in broad day light. Religion is not a subject to discuss, it is too sensitive. I took off my Allah necklace and decided God lives in my heart and I do not want to experience any unpleasant situations. I will wait when I am back home to wear it again. Carrying the burden of their cruel past the Serbians try to live their life like nothing happened. Although the wounded buildings never fail to remind them. However they stay focused on the current peaceful situation. 

The culture here is more collectivist and less individualistic, family ties are very important and so is family honor. Being a Muslim I was scared to come here but until now I have not faced anything major. It is just the small incident at the airport when the woman who was checking my passport and who was supposed to stamp it was unwelcoming. She looked at my green Egyptian passport like it was a cockroach with dog poop on it. She took so much time skimming through it back and forth looking for something that she did not find. She had the face of a sad male goat and around her nose was redness that made me question if he she was healthy enough to work. She skimmed through my passport and on the empty pages that had king Tutankhamun's pictures she looked with disgust. She disrespected my ancestor and looked down on him. I wondered if she was a Natzi from the way she behaved, I have never experienced racism before, it feels horrible.  Finally she stamped it like she would kill a fly that bothered her for a week. My patient husband said thanks, and she said Bye like hitler would, and in a way that was more of a get out of my face rather than enjoy your trip. I said bye back in the same tone of voice and I was shocked that someone could be so rude, I was not coming to steal Serbia I was there as a visitor, a tourist, a guest who will be spending money and boosting their economy.

It was sad to realize humanity can be cruel, all those people who suffered, all these innocent people who who were killed, their spirits fill the streets and the kind Serbians carry their guilt around. Sadness fills the air, however so does romance. Serbia is a perfect place to film a tragic romantic movie. I am enjoying Serbia because it is Europe but it is chaotic.  It is not dreamy. It is realistic, It is up in your face and it is a place with a sad story. Ramadan here does not exist and people here are basically like they are every where, trying to make it through the day like the rest of us.

Cleopatra from Belgrade 

Flying

I have always dreamed of flying, the question is have I wished too hard?

After touching base in Cairo and finally getting settled, we had to pack our bags again, to attend an important wedding in Serbia. After finally sleeping at my home, I get up run and pack my things in a hurry to catch the plane one more time. Still jet lagged, still tired, yet still excited about seeing a new place, with new people and a new life. The jet lag has always given me a surreal feel to things, one moment you are in a continent the next you are in another, making it all seem unreal, we all think we are the center of the universe on some level until we travel and realize how small we are and that each country is someone's homeland and yours is only foreign ground. Traveling has always reminded me of life, you drop from the sky, you come from your home and your comfort zone and like birth you are introduced to the world at passport control and the sound of the stamp is like the doctors pat on the baby's upside down back. You are only there for a while, you are a transient, you learn things, you see things, you make choices and the clever one does not get too comfortable in the transit stay knowing that he is going to leave anyway. Its hard not to get too comfortable, not to get attached. It is easier on the trip not to get too attached, however it is hard keeping in mind that this is not forever during your own travel through life on this earth, in this body. Since it is not easy that you remember where you came from, so it takes great imagination to keep your home that you can not recall in your heart, when the literal touchable one is all you see. 

The more you enjoy the trip the more you are reminded of it's ending nature, the more you see other people leaving the more you realize how random the selection process can be. The more you focus on it step by step the easier it gets, the more you get acquainted with the part of it that stays beyond the departure, the part you find when you close your eyes, not when you look in the mirror, the more you know it is going to be ok. 

It takes courage to leave everything behind and become vulnerable in a foreign place where every body else knows more, the new born and the traveler are very similar.

Enjoy the stay on this planet, in this body, who knows where else you might be and in what form you will rise again. 

Rooted Cleopatra

A mountain of clothes and laundry surround me in my room. After two days of traveling back, finally we make it to my Egypt. As the plane lands and hits the ground I felt my roots tangle in the earth. As the pilot said the word Cairo, I could feel my heart racing the earth as fast as the plane was hitting the ground. My bumping heart was in sync with the sounds of  the bumping wheels.  The moon was bright and it filled the window of my seat, it was not just any moon, it was the moon of the beautiful holy month. For many Ramadan is as happy and festive as Christmas is to others.

I could not wait to smell ramadan in the air, I could not wait to see the air float differently , I could not wait to see the the soap operas, and most of all I could not wait to see my family. My beautiful mother and sister were waiting for us at dawn, after the police checked my passport I escaped the line and ran out of the gates like a fish escaping the aquarium and running into the open sea I hugged my mom and sister like they were my ocean.

I could see everyone eating beans and falafel in the last moments of the night and I could hear the ordinary man talk like a comedian not knowing how funny he sounds as he speaks in his charming way. I missed it all, I missed the blue table cloth that does not match the red chairs in the lounge, I missed the loudness of the people, I missed our imperfections, I laughed in happiness at everything I thought was charmingly egyptian. I missed the outlines of my sisters face, I missed the need for my mom to smoke, I missed being treated like a princess having someone carry my bags. I missed  breathing the filthy air, I missed my home, my life and my ground. I kissed the ground as I promised my country that I would, I thanked God for a safe return, I was just happy to be back especially not to miss ramadan in Cairo.

I started singing out loud and no one complained, every body knows the lyrics here.

I wish my other sister lived here too, I wish I saw her waiting at the airport too, I wish I could hold my niece. All my best friends are here I missed our long conversations on the phone. 

Home is where your memories are, your loved ones are and where your heart is.

May your whole being be filled with light, may you be rooted and may you reach your high by being helplessly in love.

I can't wait for the sun set when the streets of cairo whisper the names of God and everything around me reminds me of a higher meaning, and a bubbly warm feeling fills my heart.

Bye Bye America

Today is my last day in the great America. 

Im starting to wonder if it is so great.

Every where there is the happy and the sad the good and the bad.

To every place there is the beauty and there is also the ugly face.

It depends on where you are comfortable.

My favorite place in California was little italy does that tell you something about my love to Italy?

My obsession with food here is driving me mad, no wonder obesity is an american problem.

Yesterday I had my favorite thing on earth: Italian Pasta al dente with tomato sauce, just like they do it in italy.

As I tasted it and closed my eyes I could feel my self fly to Milan the mother of pasta!

Nothing beats the Italian pasta, nothing compares. 

In San Francisco everything shines, The sun kisses the streets every day and refuses to set until eight in the afternoon. The city on the hill is magical with little edible houses that whisper the words love and freedom as they stick to each other. Pink and baby blue, white and beige, are the colors of the two story houses that are beautifully aligned  through out the hill. And as you go up the hill you look behind you and you see the world's most beautiful bridge connecting two wonderful places and serving as a man made wonder not only a means of transportation.

Whenever a great city is spread on a beach, it is magical. All my favorite places and the most fun people live in cities where the smell of the sea fills the air. Something is common between Rio, Beirut and San Francisco neighboring a beach makes the people generally happier, more creative and more free.

Downtown San Francisco is like New York on Zanax, it is just a chilled out friendlier virsion of New York. It is a lovely city, it is not as plastic and spread out as the city of angels. Whenever people are able to wear flip flops in their city their attitude changes and they are freer happier people. San Francisco is the place for artists, those with the hippy hearts. Yoga studios every where, people wearing t-shirts with peace signs on it. Almost everyone has a tattoo, and everyone is doing their thing no body interferes.

As I saw the amazing architecture of the glorious San Francisco I remembered downtown cairo and I started crying, not a lot just a few tears, we have great architecture why did they have to ruin it with all the shoe stores? Isn't there any rules? No designer? No one from the officials actually cares about the beauty of Cairo? The governor of Alexandria did some great work he was able to fix the disaster, why is it that no one is willing to fix Cairo? My heart ached and I wished from all the great people we know someone could use their contacts, use their wealth to save Cairo. By the Pyramids there could be a long promenade with cafes and music where tourists could come and spend the day and shop. The whole "Haram" district should not be allowed to have buildings higher than two stories and great hotels should open there. Little boutique hotels should also be available, it should be like south beach Miami. Has non of the great people in office considered the possibilities by the pyramids? Don't they know that we have a gold mine and we are ruining it with the sad buildings and the haphazard structure. The closest thing to the pyramids is KFC how magical is fried chicken, after one meets the great pyramids? Everything is mediocre and the sad part is many Egyptians are not mediocre we have geniuses who could change this place but they are all busy doing their own thing.Although Everyone will benefit from tourism.

Someone related to me is also visiting San Francisco, Tutankhamun is his name, everywhere you go in California you will see king Tut posters and pictures, they gave him more attention than they do back home. I felt a cosmic reason for both our stays in California at the same time. He was trying to tell me something, he was sad! He too left Egypt he could not take what the Egyptians did to his land. I also understood something else from his presence in San Francisco. He almost sent me a message with the wind, he told me the Americans are now the Pharos of this world. He told me that Egypt is an old tired country with people who destroyed it over thousands of years, he told me stop crying and realize that when your Egypt was as old as the Great America, it was great too, it was even greater. He told me that in the beginning it is easy to be amazing since everything is fresh, he told me to wait and see after thousands of years what will happen. He told me not to give up and that there are so many people like me who want to change things, who want peace beauty and freedom back on the great land of Egypt.

I figured king Tut is right America is a toddler who started where everybody else stopped, maybe we can not compare, as things go down and hit the ground there is no where else to go but up. And I'm sure Egypt will rise someday from the ground. I missed Cairo after only one month of being gone, it is the longest time we have been apart. 

Cairo is like Cocaine, it can kill you if you overdose and you are not used to it, it is bad for your health, it is bad for you, only the addicts like it. I'm addicted to Cairo. My friend told me to kiss the L.A ground when I get there, but I could not, what I want to do is kiss the dirt on the ground of Cairo, the place that chokes me and traps me, yet still I love every bit of it.

Bye Bye Great America, 

  

CLeopatra and the evil stores

I am tired of being manipulated by the stores.

I am tired of being hypnotized to the cashier.

In disney land it seems completely rational to buy a mickey mouse pink watch.

In victoria secret is seems only natural to buy a black lacy night gown.

In abercrombie and fitch it seems natural to get a grey cotton ordinary t-shirt.

Every thing makes sense in the store. 

I hate it, it is all there shiny and stacked smelling good looking good with the music and the friendly sales girl that thinks everything will look incredibly cute on me.

I hate it most when the top has a word I would say, it feels like they did it for me.

They are so friendly in the store but back home the top or watch turn old very fast right after you buy the next thing.

It is endless the things in the store.

the last top I saw in juicy said "for nice girls who like things" I thought that is exactly me, and then I thought wait a minute, things? Thats the worst way to manipulate using my weakness like this.

I am sick of shopping, I do not want to see more stuff, I do not want to want more stuff.

I will stay home, at home I am safe.   

We are all Babies by design!!

Human beings are so vulnerable little things can destroy them. They need so many things to keep them going, in order to live a normal, hygienic, and happy life. We need to stay clean and our bodies work against that every single day. We need to eat and then we need to go to the bathroom. I think this whole digestive system is manufactured to put our ego down. We are creatures of dirt not light, we are weak with bodies that scream for so many desires.

We are all big babies we need sleep or else we can not function, personally when I am so hungry sometimes I cry, and then there is warmth: we need to be warm, we need to be held, we need love. Babies are very pure, they have angels around them making them giggle as they stare at the ceiling. So do not be ashamed of it the purest of us are those with the baby hearts.

Whenever someone gets on your nerves remember that they were a clueless pooping baby once, remember that they need all the things you need and that they are so vulnerable too, if they act like they have their s%@t together, they are just acting, remember that anytime they can trip and fall too, they need to use the bathroom too, they get nightmares too, and a long time ago they needed to be burped!

We are all babies, deep inside, in the end, and some of us can not hide it, that is not necessarily a bad thing.

CLeopatra's Confessions

confessions:

I ate popcorn with butter on it!!

I could not fast more than two days in the states my body was collapsing.

My father ordered me not to fast here and make up the days I skipped when I go back to Cairo,being a good daughter, I just had to listen. The sun set at eight is something my anemic body can not handle. 

 

I went to the dentist here in California, for a normal cleaning, and I feel like I have been betrayed.

I have a wisdom tooth that he found, he said it had to be removed. That is very common, however I kind of had a deal with my teeth; other people go through this, but not me, not me and my teeth. I always hear a friend say I just got my tooth removed and I am in pain, I was always sympathetic and I always wished them well, however deep inside I always thought, this could not happen to me. 

I guess thats how it is with life when things are fine you look around and find others with problems, you feel sympathetic, you support them, and you feel like in a weird way it will not happen to you, until it does. When it does you remember when your friend or relative told you about it, and how you somehow dismissed it after a while, now it is completely different being in the situation exactly.

You feel betrayed that some kind of deal with circumstance was broken. You are disappointed , you are scared, you realize it could be a lot worse, you try to find a silver lining, you try to create a worse scenario  so you can accept this one. You try to understand what you should learn from it. You deal with it, you have to go through with it, you put a smile on to comfort the ones you love. It passes, you realize that it was not as bad as you thought it would be, painful of course, but you are proud of yourself for going through with it with grace. And when you are in bed and you can not go out all that matters is those who will come to visit, and the people who love you who are around you and support you. You feel bad for all the times you did not pay enough attention to them, for all the times you put other things first, for all the times you were mad at them, and you hate yourself for not being there for them before. You promise your self that when you get better you will change, you will do more effort, and be a better human being. You find out who your true friends are and how family should always come first. You thank God for making this too pass, you promise God you wont drift so far when things get better, that you wont get distracted once you leave this bed, once you are back on your feet. And when you are better, you forget all your promises, you drift, you are distracted, your priorities get mixed up again, and you are back to square one, at least I am. That is what happens with me, not just when I realize I have to remove my wisdom tooth but many other times too.

Being alive you just have to face it, endure it, wait for things to change, see the lining, or else you wont be able to go through with it.