cliche

i know it is a cliche
but i need to put it down here
i realize i can buy a diary
i have even been advised to
but some how i need to get published here on this blog
i have no idea why
i need this thing in my head to be out and read

the cliche is
the fact that things do not bring joy
not even love can bring happiness
pain can be an outcome of so much happiness
material things mean comfort that is it
after awhile you get used to everything, although thankful and grateful
you will need something else
and if you do not feed your soul you will be empty

your being hallow
your spirit sad

i thought that my sold out art show would make me happy
i thought that by having my own show i would be in paradise
thankful i am but not happy
not as i thought i would be
holding my cash in my hand
i felt like a drug dealer some how
like i sold my soul
and i sold it cheap


ego brings sadness
no matter how much my dreams come true my brain finds the way to put me down
making me see the faults
the doubts
and success means nothing
i realized there must be something bigger, something more rewarding
than this

nowadays i cant even paint
they choked me
they said they want to lead me
and although i am dying to go back to my canvas
i do not want to go back now

i want their voices out of my head
they talked so much
nobody owns a free artist
i paint for me and not for them to like or not

my work i love
but how could i find it now
its all sold out
who knows where each piece went
and now i'm left with colored papers called cash
meaning nothing and all my work disappeared
into other spaces
some i still find and i am grateful for knowing the new owners
some went to strangers and i was not even given the time to say goodbye

professional is what i should be
less sentimental
less dramatic
but that is me


does the sad gene come with the fun gene hand in hand?
money does not buy happiness
so do not wait for the move in or the move out
you will always be inside yourself stop running away
temporary changes become old ones
new wants and needs always come up
making you sad
making you wait thinking that the change will finally make you happy
but no nothing does

you must fill the gap inside, that emptiness,
that no friend or lover can ever fill no fading moment can fulfill

and in the end we are all gone
so whats the point of so much pain?

although shopping can be pleasurable at the moment
i realized an old known fact:
money can't buy happiness
that is the cliche
and the illusion
so many people with all the money in the world and in depression they live
the poor souls are in pain
and people can not see the cause

listen to your heart

nowadays i get angry so fast
im upset so fast
im not the patient one anymore
i thought i was so calm
and i realized i am not
i thought i was understanding
but my window for taking crap has been shut so hard and fast
i do not like stupid excuses
and no i wont forgive the immoral
if i do not go around making people feel so bad by mistake
everyone else can also hold it and think before they talk

once i was fooled by an older witch wearing a weird mask and costumes that do not fit any place on earth
and i thought maybe behind this weird look there is a good heart
turns out i was wrong and my body was right when it smelled danger and weirdness when we first met
she was like an octopus who wanted to eat you alive
take all you have and make it hers
her true face showed and a monster was behind the mask of sweet talk



now i know why some people have a strong big facade
they were bit so hard before

only the stupid does not suspect
does not sniff danger from a distance

all i really want is my space and freedom
and to be with those i love

the weather is so hot in cairo and my boiling anger is boiling up
no i can not take shit anymore
no i will not be like all the other doormats
and i will not wait to be stabbed again
get stabbed once and you are excused
get stabbed twice and you are stupid

no i am anything but stupid

now i get angry so fast
i will not be silent to injustice and rudeness
yes i have learned the truth about people

some are gold some are fake
some are sweet some are wearing big masks
no one is perfect but the difference is what you are willing to put up with

some people can take liars as long as they are fun
but i can not

others can take cheaters as long as they got big pockets
and i would gag to that

some are ok with bullies
as long as they are in the it crowd
and i think thats sick


some can be around masks, liars, cheaters, fakers, and even the always cynical and negative but im not sorry that i cant.


that kind of limits my friend list but i have no problem with that.

i say: quality versus quantity


i learned to listen to my heart when you meet someone and your whole being wants to escape them take it as a sign that they are not meant to be your friend even if they act like angels, soon their true face will show and you will regret giving them the chance.


if you want to be with someone but your body refuses it, listen to your guts and heart they know better than your brain.

listen to your heart not everyone is true and not everyone is good, not everyone deserves to get so close.

be careful of the many faces people wear.

that dr who only started answering his phone after he got the v.i.p call
that friend who suddenly became so nice after you gained something you never had
that smile that is so yellow and fake will not reach my heart

the older bitter women who stand and feast their eyes and black tongues on you with gossip that is so obvious, stay away from them, they are in no way kind.

those with the shittiest reputations often earned it, you do not have to be their way back to the good life.
let them find their way on their own, you do not have to be the hamster of the experiment every time.

have fun!

i do not mean to scare anyone but i have learned a million lessons so fast, and now i can not take the energy of the fakers, the liars, the cheaters, the perverted men in saintly suits, the tipsy talk that is full of crap!

listen to your heart
see beyond the masks and the make up
see the hearts of gold and the hearts of stone beneath the clothes, beneath it all.

stop, wait, listen to your heart for a change!

on the other side

living in the city




but lonely
down town
in between the buzz of life
but very lonely

because the little ones i love so much are on the other side
home is where the heart is

all the people i am made of are there
i am here on the other side
always longing to go to their side of town

the umbilical cord between me and my mother is still attached
i want to be by her side all the time

smell her
talk with her
eat with her
lay with her
swim with her

and i do not care if my life slips away
and i get nothing much done

in the east love hurts
in the east sadness is always in our dark eyes
in the east the little ones come first

the road i take to them is long
but passes fast thinking of them
when the road is not taken
it is hard, it is far, it is lonely
it is lonely on the other side

without them life is dull
the busy city quiets down and i am so lonely
all by myself most of the time
the crowded city life means nothing when they are all on the other side

mother oh mother

mother is the soul of the earth







mother is the soul of nature
nothing beats motherhood
nothing is greater than a good mother
my mother is all i have in this world
and through her i have learned to respect all the mothers in the universe
through her love i have learned about the relationships between the womb and the open sea
and although its a mans world i have realized men are nothing without their mothers

the instinct is built even in little girls
we carry little dolls and want to take care of them
motherhood is the sun to the flowers
watch the cat with her kittens
watch the mothers of nature
watch the lioness as she fetches food for her cubs
nothing more magical than a mother

mother is this universe
mother is nature
mother is marry
mother is love
mother is a protective force
and a will to go on
mothering even a puppy, is a great pleasure on its own

life is worth living once you matter to a smaller being
once your existence affects another
and this is my mother
God bless all the mothers

and we have a prayer
God don't let us be worshipers of tests let us be worshippers of good doing


dear God please do not give me a test that breaks me
please give something i can handle let me be a light in the world that i need not to be tested

between the birds, the skies and sees, between the earth, the sun and beings, nothing is more wonderful than a mother.

purple

i missed you purple
finally you are back and with u came peace of mind
finally i can breath again

liar liar pants on fire

you would think that age would teach people lessons


the first lesson i have learned:
age sometimes means nothing
some people can be younger than you and wiser than you
some people can be double your age and have no morals
or respect. its sometimes easier to respect a new born since they're still pure.


worse than young immoral people is old immoral people
almost 50 or more how could you still lie?
how could you still find paradise at the bars?
when will so many people grow up?

age gracefully
age with class

when will they learn?
when will they let go and take a higher road?

don't they know that the grave keeps getting closer?
these people who live in denial thinking they are still in their twenties
dressing up like i do not know what
leaving no room for any one to respect them
and no place for the imagination
when you reveal all, you leave nothing for the mind
you leave nothing for the soul
you demand to be treated like a desperate object

"class" people where has it gone?

but the problem is not in them
it is in me to trust in them just because they are older means nothing
liars i have realized are the most disgusting people
no wonder they lost so many friends along the way

the humility is all theirs once its known that they lied
oh how humiliating it must be to be a liar and to be caught

so many people i decided i do not want to know any more because of nothing else other than the fact that they lied
liars are a disgrace
liars are a joke
liars are sick

some white lies are fine
but those lies that are made up just to put you down
told by so called friends
friends are important but its not a stranger's choice to be my friend

i have learned so much lately
to speak my mind
to hold on to my beliefs
and not to give in to those who decided they want me as a friend when i do not agree to this friendship
a friendship that is in no way fun for me

age means nothing
age is an illusion

trust only those who deserve trust
do not be blinded by sneaky smiles


i pity those who their graves are so close and they cling to life and its dark side
me and my people we are so young yet we think of karma and how it will turn out
we roll our tongues back a million times before we hurt anyone
knowing that its so low to bring a soul down


but the others they strive to see a rising star and they shoot it down with lies
with no talent with no spirit with dark hearts they eat the pure alive

but its so great seeing things clearly when the masks fall off in the end
when you know about their games and that you have been fooled for awhile
when you decide to run away and leave, it feels so freeing like breaking up with a freak

you know something is wrong when someone close pays too much attention to you
follows your every move
copies all your signature style
you know you are in the company of a freak and a dangerous one when they put you down and still copy you


no you are not my friend
i never chose you to be
we are so different and not in creative ways
no my friends are pure
no my friends are wiser
no i will not give in to a bully again

bye bye liars
bye bye freaks
bye bye bullies


time can sometimes fail to teach people about souls and the damages of bad karma it can take people lifetimes to realize the dark road is horrible, it can even pass them away and they die not knowing how pure they could have been and that there are so many deeper layers to life other than the one shallow place they lock them selves in.

liars are not my friends and they will never be

to all the liars: stay away you are creepy in every way
you even shrunk so much in size, in my eyes you are tiny

watch out for those who creep in to your life and want to be you for awhile or even think that they can own you or your mind.

i am free and i will not give up my freedom for anything

freedom

free the artist
freedom is the most important possession for artists and free spirits

nobody can own my mind
nobody owns me
i am free from anyone even if it means losing my security
nothing feels better than freedom
protect your good name
protect your spirit
do not hang with the question marks

those without talent can envy you
those without spirit can try to bring you down
try to push you to the ground
and at your happiest moment make you feel like nothing
take your pride away when you should be holding your head high
make up stories with no goal but to put you down

people can be psycho
trust a few


let the evil ones go
or just the too fishy
what good is success if it means no freedom


yes i am free
free to be who i want to be
nobody owns me