Dr please care about me!

i used to watch grey's anatomy thinking it will make me stronger but it almost killed me with all the drama
i realized if every time it feels like dying seeing the characters suffer on the hospital beds then this is not entertainment
its more like sadism. knowing that i might be sick in other ways but not in a way that enjoy my own torture i decided no more Grey's Anatomy for me after all they do warn before certain movies that sensitive viewers can not handle it, so i'm no freak they even labeled me and warned me. so I am a sensitive viewer! yay! i have an excuse and not just that im a sensitive listener too so do not just throw on me a horror story, and yes my stomach is sensitive too so i can not eat the fried onions on your dinner table.

on the other hand im a sensitive friend, family member, lover and all so you can guarantee a high degree of sensitivity when i'm dealing with you it will be with great care and i will make you feel good about yourself, i will make you laugh too and i will see all your beauty that some people failed to see. i won't ask you too many questions because i know interrogation is not socializing, although recently i have become the victim to the curiosities of everyone, so many questions are dropped on my head and i have no time to answer the friendly nosy strangers who think friendly means information rape in a limited time.

some people take away everything from you all sorts of information and leave you drained, they want to know everything about you and your family and you are caught off guard so you answer before you think and then you realize you could have resisted all these questions and refrained from answering.

dates, names, places, and prices too. where did you get this and for how much? and even more intimate questions and you become a victim and before revenge they disappear.

but beyond all these simple annoyances there is someone in the society of cairo who is more powerful than the rest of us. our lives are in his hands, he can ask any question, he can say anything, and he can scare you to death and make you feel safe. you trust him blindly and he can literally kill you or give you life again.

this is the doctor, the man who has all the power on earth after God. most Egyptian doctors compete in having their clinics as crowded as possible. the more vulnerable patients sitting and waiting helplessly for hours the bigger his prestige. and he is the big star behind the desk he goes in and the extras like the nurses and the staff run around like bees to get things ready. His phone is always ringing and based on so many things will he answer you or not.

the smart egyptians always befriend a dr. he will be the most important person in your family's life so kissing ass is mandatory. pediatrics suffer from phobic parents and become more important than siblings on your mobile phones.
but there is something different about the doctors in Egypt something like a halo around their heads.

maybe it is because very few are actually good and there are so many drs out there waiting to be recognized and so many graduates who have no chance. but those who made it into the lime light are stars of the society because we need them so much and they know how valuable they are.

there are different styles: there is the keep it simple all will be good and happy dr.
there is the dr who makes you take millions of tests and makes you think a cough is just as bad as aids so he or she scare you to death until each result and you feel like they just saved your life each time.
there is also the medicine giver who can stuff you with all sorts of medications to make your symptom go away and does not care if the side effects kill you.
there is also the arrogant "im a god dr" who confused his power of saving lives with God's power and he treats you from above like you are a piece of shit and all your worries and questions are so stupid like you and that you are so ignorant because you are not a doctor.

so the smart people always befriend the doctor keep him close make him care, because most doctors anticipate any chance for surgery so the one who knows you too well wont jump to the chance to cut you open.

you hope you are not just a number to them that they care for you.
they are mostly good people and if you find a doctor you trust do not let him go ever because he or she will save you.
make them love you, try to be special, do not bore them.
in cairo patients are at a competition to be loved and the more doctors friends you have the safer you are.

in California a stranger doctor made me feel more human than the best of my friends, he did not scare me, he did not tell me personal stories of other patients, something i have no idea why doctors do, i thought there was a confidentiality oath, they think they are entertaining you, what they do not know is that entertainment is jim carrey's job and secrecy is supposed to be theirs, in most civilized places drs do not tell you the secret tragedies of other patients whom you know due to the tiny social circle we all run in. and being a patient and not a scientist all you care about is your case or the positive results that someone with your symptoms have after being cured and please no names required here too.


the most emotionally damaging is: the your case is serious and i will leave you to think your life is over until i decide its time you know you have a chance to live, when you are actually fine approach!

but what is worse here is the jealousy between doctors each doctor has to laugh a little at the other doctor's style and politely belittle him by saying dr.x is my student.

its a huge mess in cairo, and when you go to the states you find them asking you for totally different things and they see things so differently there. what you thought was an incurable disease they probably know about and have the answer to and they will not make you feel stupid or that you are less human because you are not a doctor. and in most cases they will be astonished at all the medications you have been taking, things they introduce as a last resort.

but you will be in a clean place feeling safe and knowing that you do not need to be their friend for them to tell you the truth.
and that there is no hidden agendas and who your dad is does not matter to them, and who you know will also not make a difference.

but never did i know the importance of being a doctor, knowing a good doctor, and why the traditional egyptian family wants their son to be a doctor, like i do now.

God why did you not make me a good doctor?
now being an artist seems like such a trivial job or thing to do.
while they save lives i paint canvases only.
while i can not watch Grey's anatomy they live in it.

with all due respect to Egyptian doctors, they all have their amazing points of strength but certainly something is wrong and needs to be at least mentioned.

every time i visit an egyptian doctor i want to say: doctor, please care about me i am not just a number!