a bigger hand to hold on to

in highschool i thought most things were up to me

and as life takes me from ride to ride i realize how much so little is up to us

you can prepare
think, pracice, give it your best but volcanoes errupt
and bombs explode
the earth shakes from under us and anything can happen at anytime


when you are younger you care less
you usually have parents to fear for and worry about most of the time.

but you do not cling so much to life.
you think it is simple.
and then you keep tying knots with people and hoping they are healthy.
good things happen to them.
you hope you stay here for them.
and that they do not get sick or hit by anything.

accidents scare you.
hospitals bring fear.
funerals are nightmares.
and you carry so much fear
like a backpack or worse like a hunch back.
you walk around with so much worry and love for so many.


you think how did the parents do it?
from labor to graduation to a whole line of different forms of worries.
so much love, so much worry.

and you think positively so good things happen.
but so many bad things happen around you.
so you look around and you try to change your ideas about good and bad.
life is unpredictable.
but we have a rope to God.
we pray and pray and feel safer some way.
some people do not beleive in that,
they float in space,
let them.

but i need God to know he is on my side
even if things do not go my way
even if he took so many people away
we are all bound to leave anyway
easy to say
but hard to accept
like old age and war and torture things i have no idea why they happen
but they do
along with disease and pain and the unfair circumstances
but along with all the negative
there comes love
miracles
angels
happiness
bliss
and joy


nobody has all the answers
we are made of thin threads
even the preachers collapse

your own wisdom lies inside

i found strength in 2 things
prayers and leaving my body seeing things from a distance like it is not me
being detached from my own self and even the circumstance
like watiching a movie that i star in
and i am not that affected

you think you are weak but you are strong
you think you will collapse but they all stood up again
even when they died life went on and their friends laughed again

structure and routine make babies and adults feel safe
prayers too and churches temples and mosques
finding the true self
leaving fear behind
and lots of yoga for me
it is a coping strategy

whatever you do express yourself
i read lately that having soups
instead of salads and wearing warm clothes
in the cold weather helps too
so stay warm, eat well, enjoy the times
when things are fine
because they are not meant to stay like that all the time.

remember God, your angels, your prayers so you do not come praying suddenly out of the wilderness after years of silence.
do not let it be awkward when you ask for things.

make friends with the maker of the game
mantras too they help so much
and kneeling down.

breathing is also a key take long breaths when in stress.
in and out it brings your anxiety down .
fool your body into relaxation mode.


things pass.
even the darkest things pass.
do whatever suits you.


and express yourself.


while you are here:
enjoy it.
learn from it.
life is a hard lesson that we came to learn.

break the code,
befriend the maker of the tests,
be smart, relax and pray.

love and give because it all comes back.

we all need a bigger hand to hold on to.