tell lara i love her

a little girl i met lately
somehow she knows all the secrets to the world
somehow she knows nothing at all
but in the end she is so beautiful and all i can think f is how God will protect her


this world is crazy
we try to make sense of it but it is surreal

belly talk

why is it totally fine for men to grow bellies?
big strong men with bellies enough to take twins in!
but once a woman grows a belly there must be a baby inside!

people look at the pregnant lady like she oozes beauty
while she feels nothing but fat and out of balance!

there is nothing sexy about being huge!
and fat is not the new thin!
and no matter how much you try,
you will gain weight on the scale!

indigestion, multiple trips to the bathroom through the night,
nausea and an emotional roller coaster is the price to having heaven at your feet!

in egyptian culture and based on islamic teachings it is beleived that heaven is at the mother's feet and i say it better be!

no one is more intorrigated in social occasions like a pregnant lady!
and she elicits many smiles from strangers like she is a cute puppy walking the street!
strangers will touch your stomache like it is their own !


strangers will ask you how many months are you? is it a boy or a girl? and what you want to name her?!

everyone thinks they are the first to ask and that you are not tired of answering!

no one considers that you do not wanna answer because maybe you do not know them enough!
or that you are tired of answering the same set of questions a thousand times.

a pregnant woman is subjected to so many questions in every social occasion and it can be exhausting!

everyone thinks they can judge the name you chose!
and even openly show disgust while you have not asked them if they like it or not!

everyone thinks they can tell you what to do
and that what you are doing is wrong!
and that they know what is best for you and for your child!

everyone thinks you want to hear their horror story of their pregnancy, misscarriage , labor or breast feeding!

everyone thinks you are open like some kind of public property just because you are pregnant!

and it is not enough that you are blowing up, people think you are ready to be told that you gained weight as if you did not know, and they will ask you how many pounds you put on exactly!

while many obese people are left without being judged, the pregnant lady is open to judgement.

other than the sweet: you are glowing!
people think it is nice to tell you that you look tired!

you do not go asking people for the details of their life but they will come after you if you have a pretruding belly.

you bump into things because your dimensions changed
little things drive you mad!

and being bigger in size is not a feminine journey of fun like many people think!
it is like a practical joke!

you sudednly own a bigger body and live the life of the unattractive!
and i tell you it is no fun !

size matters!

everyone is in your buisness even sales people, they think it is extremely cute
because it is not painful for them and does not make them sick in the morning!

everyone scares you with stories you did not want to hear!
you are stressed because they tell you it is gonna be the hardest thing you will ever go through!

so many books to read! so much education!

so many wrong advice!
so many subjective advice!
so much pressure!
so mush bossing around!

like this is a group project!


like you are the only one on earth like that!


life as you know it disappears once the crying little one arrives!

it must be scary but it is your story!
you should be comfortable and it is not a public affair!

tons of older aunts should not bombard you, watch you breast feed like a monkey in a cage!!

they comment on the baby's looks and feel it is their right to say "ugly baby" like it is endearing to say it!


visits become open! and around the clock! in the egyptian hospitals things are hostile!

flashlights of cameras of peoples' phones almost blind the poor babies eyes!

millions of extended family members and friends under tons of make up and in high heels storm the room and watch the poor mommy be tired and stressed!

i have seen it happen to my dearest friends!

it is no fun at all being the center of attention
when all you want is to run away to a quiet place with your little one
and hide from all the eyes and all the crowd!


it must be tough being a parent
but if the cats can do it and the cave girl did it, so can we!


society can be stupid like that!
insensitive like that!
and totally heavy on you and your belly!

beware pregnant belly you will be everyone's buisness whether you like it or not!
and when the little one comes the endless unasked for advice rains on you too!

goodluck with that!

and if it is a girl, since day one they pray for her good marriage,
talk about pressure!


in egypt everyone waits for the bride to announce her pregnancy
and they stare at her belly everytime she is seen
even before she is pregnant!

when she finally becomes with child
she is releived that she will not be asked anymore if she is pregnant or not!
finally no more pressure!
but so many other questions arise ofcourse!

once you have a girl they will say: so when will you try for the boy?
and once you have the boy they will ask you:
when will you try for the girl ?
and that you gotta start trying because: tick tock tick tock and time is running out!
and it never ends!

a bigger hand to hold on to

in highschool i thought most things were up to me

and as life takes me from ride to ride i realize how much so little is up to us

you can prepare
think, pracice, give it your best but volcanoes errupt
and bombs explode
the earth shakes from under us and anything can happen at anytime


when you are younger you care less
you usually have parents to fear for and worry about most of the time.

but you do not cling so much to life.
you think it is simple.
and then you keep tying knots with people and hoping they are healthy.
good things happen to them.
you hope you stay here for them.
and that they do not get sick or hit by anything.

accidents scare you.
hospitals bring fear.
funerals are nightmares.
and you carry so much fear
like a backpack or worse like a hunch back.
you walk around with so much worry and love for so many.


you think how did the parents do it?
from labor to graduation to a whole line of different forms of worries.
so much love, so much worry.

and you think positively so good things happen.
but so many bad things happen around you.
so you look around and you try to change your ideas about good and bad.
life is unpredictable.
but we have a rope to God.
we pray and pray and feel safer some way.
some people do not beleive in that,
they float in space,
let them.

but i need God to know he is on my side
even if things do not go my way
even if he took so many people away
we are all bound to leave anyway
easy to say
but hard to accept
like old age and war and torture things i have no idea why they happen
but they do
along with disease and pain and the unfair circumstances
but along with all the negative
there comes love
miracles
angels
happiness
bliss
and joy


nobody has all the answers
we are made of thin threads
even the preachers collapse

your own wisdom lies inside

i found strength in 2 things
prayers and leaving my body seeing things from a distance like it is not me
being detached from my own self and even the circumstance
like watiching a movie that i star in
and i am not that affected

you think you are weak but you are strong
you think you will collapse but they all stood up again
even when they died life went on and their friends laughed again

structure and routine make babies and adults feel safe
prayers too and churches temples and mosques
finding the true self
leaving fear behind
and lots of yoga for me
it is a coping strategy

whatever you do express yourself
i read lately that having soups
instead of salads and wearing warm clothes
in the cold weather helps too
so stay warm, eat well, enjoy the times
when things are fine
because they are not meant to stay like that all the time.

remember God, your angels, your prayers so you do not come praying suddenly out of the wilderness after years of silence.
do not let it be awkward when you ask for things.

make friends with the maker of the game
mantras too they help so much
and kneeling down.

breathing is also a key take long breaths when in stress.
in and out it brings your anxiety down .
fool your body into relaxation mode.


things pass.
even the darkest things pass.
do whatever suits you.


and express yourself.


while you are here:
enjoy it.
learn from it.
life is a hard lesson that we came to learn.

break the code,
befriend the maker of the tests,
be smart, relax and pray.

love and give because it all comes back.

we all need a bigger hand to hold on to.

who can breathe in cairo?

breathing is a basic right to life
a must for life
life is breath
and for you to breathe you need air
not black fumes, but fresh clean air

that is why we egyptians like to travel
we are all crammed up in cairo and lately i could not breathe in cairo

if it is not the exhaust from the cars it is your smoker friend or relative puffing in your face
all day and night

you have to choose between loneliness and being antisocial and left out or breathing
off their puffs, second hand smokers have more friends and smokers have the most friends

so you are either breathing fresh air alone or coughing with the people you love
many have just started smoking too to escape the dilemma
and many have gotten so accustomed to second hand smoking they have no idea what i am talking about and that is just sad.

and if you want to go out to a cool place at night
you have to get your whole system used to the smoke


tamarai is a killer
the cairo jazz club although has live music is a near death experience for me
and la bodega is well ventilated so you can breathe more there
but you have to get used to going home with hair and clothes that smell like an ashtray wherever you go at night
and you have to get used to the smoke to have a social life in cairo
to go for coffee even

the mohandseen cilantro is a walk into suffocation
i made the mistake of going in once, i had to cover my nose and mouth to buy my coffee and i had to run out
i am not exaggerating its not even funny anymore

however there is hope
i come with good news finally:

beonos the once smoke filled cafe with a few non smoking tables has dedicated the first floor which is the best floor to non smokers

and i congratulate them for that, finally going back to cairo i will find a place for coffee without coughing

so in addition to great coffee and sun light you can also breathe there!

the zamalek costa is a bubble of smoke for the exception of two tables who are cornered and suffocated

they always tend to give the non smokers the worst tables everywhere

so we travel we book tickets and we go to a different continent sometimes just to be able to do one basic thing: breathe

i just want to breathe thats all.

life oh life

life has a funny way of making us look like fools
when you think everything is going your way
when you stomp your feet as you walk with a nose stuck so high
if God loves you he will bring your nose to the floor
that is what he did to me and i felt that if he did not care he would have left me proud and stupid
but God tests those he loves reminds them that nothing is up to them
in the end

the message was clear:

anything can go wrong
you are not that strong
do not be so proud
do not step on the earth so heavily
because out of the blues anything can happen
things that you thought would only happen to others
things that pull you so close to God when you pray and beg
when you kneel and ask
you let your guard down you lose your crown
remember God
you are nothing without him
you need him


God is like that when you drift he pulls you close with a problem and you become one in a remembrance
in a prayer in the thought of the nothingness that is you
and you forget all the stupid things and you become swallowed by a problem
a problem that if solved days will pass peacefully again
and you promise not to drift again

in problems we look for lessons to learn
every problem is a lesson and a thing to learn by the great teacher with a harsh sense of humor : life

you think you are all that
now take that

but if you are unlucky God will not test you at all
if you are proud and arrogant and unlucky he will leave things to go your way every day and for that you will feel so in-control
so powerful like things are up to you
this person might never have to pray

but thank God we were chosen to be tested, to be pulled closer again
in order to remember
because we always forget
how small we are
how helpless we are

in this life i realized i am nothing without him
i need his help in every step
and for that i hope i will always remember to call his name
and the names of his prophets and the names of his angels
i need all their help

in life there are no coincidences


dont get too arrogant so that the pull back does not shatter your world and bring you underground
dont drift too far

remember how small we are

not a piece of meat

everyone is in your buisness in cairo
that is why so many people left
and you can not walk the streets for pleasure or even for excersice
because the sidewalks are crooked and breathing the fumes of the cars is no fun
you find yourself tired after one errand
you find your self hiding away
afraid to show up like this or like that because of all the things the people will say

everyone has to comment about everything and we are the masters of misunderstandings
you say one thing and you get a phone call to make it clear you meant the thing and not the opposite
and in the end you have to apologize anyway


keep quiet i say
talk in general terms
and stay away from zamalek when the famous soccer teams in cairo play
cars are broken! so much frustration

you can be robbed! but it is usually safe
you can be sent to jail if you speak up too loud
avoid religious, ppolitical or sexual talks in any gathering

you can be told to shut up by family and friends
and you will be told to keep it down if you are a blogger like me
revealing so much, even about ideas, broad ideas, is not acceptable in the elite social scene
any sort of artist must tone it down a bit hold it back think a million times and consider the opinions of aunt x
and uncle z because poker faces are perfect for the princes and princesses of the social scene

some arts are not acceptable like dancing and singing and acting
you must come from a very liberal confident family if you decide to take that path


and you will always be judged for what ever you do or say
and the less arabic you speak the better it is for your prestige

we do have a few famous sluts roaming the social scene
they do not care what people say they gave up their reputation and they do not want women for friends
some make spells with real magic and some reveal too much meat to meet the taste of the egyptian man who likes to see wiggling flesh
ewww
i know

but the thing is, the men marry the non sluts and like to stare at the slutty ones
the men make their wives or girlfriends cover up and at the outings drool at the women with the least clothes who walks and talks like she is nothing but an object

egyptian traditons allow men to stare at other women, laugh hysterically, drool a little and then make cheap jokes forever, and egyptian traditions expect wives to smile and go along with the jokes because heaven forbid that she is thought to be of the jelous type or worse not cool, or worse not enjoying being humilated and ignored.

typical egyptian men reach their worse when they travel to a party alive country, they want to visit bars and stare more and laugh more with their married friends, laughing i think becomes a hysterical nervous reaction to hot women in general or anything female that moves. and if staring is all they do the women are lucky because when abroad the rules usually vanish and marriage certificates only work within a country's boundaries.

women are not allowed to recopricate the men's ways. to stare at pretty men, comment and drool or make their husbands look like fools.

they are also expected to dress like nuns and talk and walk with respect and keep their limits of the friendly touches is the common norm.

the thing men do not realize is that the slutty ways are the easiest thing and any woman can turn on the red light and seduce any male she wants to seduce, but those who seduce any moving man and delete the brainy mode are usually more desirable in the male psyche.

lady gaga would be laughed at in the egyptian singing world if she was born egyptian
because she is not displaying herself as a sexy cute object for the man to admire
she is strong
larger than life and she does not care
my friends thought she wore the meat outfit to say that she does not mind that people view her as a piece of meat
while actually she said the opposite
she wore the meat as a statement that she is not a piece of meat
seeing her sing with so much strength and talent you would know she would never say so
she is strong and she does not care what they think
like all the great artists
it is not so bad to be weird after all
nobody asks her why she she is not the clone of every other girl

that is why she is not from here

Dr please care about me!

i used to watch grey's anatomy thinking it will make me stronger but it almost killed me with all the drama
i realized if every time it feels like dying seeing the characters suffer on the hospital beds then this is not entertainment
its more like sadism. knowing that i might be sick in other ways but not in a way that enjoy my own torture i decided no more Grey's Anatomy for me after all they do warn before certain movies that sensitive viewers can not handle it, so i'm no freak they even labeled me and warned me. so I am a sensitive viewer! yay! i have an excuse and not just that im a sensitive listener too so do not just throw on me a horror story, and yes my stomach is sensitive too so i can not eat the fried onions on your dinner table.

on the other hand im a sensitive friend, family member, lover and all so you can guarantee a high degree of sensitivity when i'm dealing with you it will be with great care and i will make you feel good about yourself, i will make you laugh too and i will see all your beauty that some people failed to see. i won't ask you too many questions because i know interrogation is not socializing, although recently i have become the victim to the curiosities of everyone, so many questions are dropped on my head and i have no time to answer the friendly nosy strangers who think friendly means information rape in a limited time.

some people take away everything from you all sorts of information and leave you drained, they want to know everything about you and your family and you are caught off guard so you answer before you think and then you realize you could have resisted all these questions and refrained from answering.

dates, names, places, and prices too. where did you get this and for how much? and even more intimate questions and you become a victim and before revenge they disappear.

but beyond all these simple annoyances there is someone in the society of cairo who is more powerful than the rest of us. our lives are in his hands, he can ask any question, he can say anything, and he can scare you to death and make you feel safe. you trust him blindly and he can literally kill you or give you life again.

this is the doctor, the man who has all the power on earth after God. most Egyptian doctors compete in having their clinics as crowded as possible. the more vulnerable patients sitting and waiting helplessly for hours the bigger his prestige. and he is the big star behind the desk he goes in and the extras like the nurses and the staff run around like bees to get things ready. His phone is always ringing and based on so many things will he answer you or not.

the smart egyptians always befriend a dr. he will be the most important person in your family's life so kissing ass is mandatory. pediatrics suffer from phobic parents and become more important than siblings on your mobile phones.
but there is something different about the doctors in Egypt something like a halo around their heads.

maybe it is because very few are actually good and there are so many drs out there waiting to be recognized and so many graduates who have no chance. but those who made it into the lime light are stars of the society because we need them so much and they know how valuable they are.

there are different styles: there is the keep it simple all will be good and happy dr.
there is the dr who makes you take millions of tests and makes you think a cough is just as bad as aids so he or she scare you to death until each result and you feel like they just saved your life each time.
there is also the medicine giver who can stuff you with all sorts of medications to make your symptom go away and does not care if the side effects kill you.
there is also the arrogant "im a god dr" who confused his power of saving lives with God's power and he treats you from above like you are a piece of shit and all your worries and questions are so stupid like you and that you are so ignorant because you are not a doctor.

so the smart people always befriend the doctor keep him close make him care, because most doctors anticipate any chance for surgery so the one who knows you too well wont jump to the chance to cut you open.

you hope you are not just a number to them that they care for you.
they are mostly good people and if you find a doctor you trust do not let him go ever because he or she will save you.
make them love you, try to be special, do not bore them.
in cairo patients are at a competition to be loved and the more doctors friends you have the safer you are.

in California a stranger doctor made me feel more human than the best of my friends, he did not scare me, he did not tell me personal stories of other patients, something i have no idea why doctors do, i thought there was a confidentiality oath, they think they are entertaining you, what they do not know is that entertainment is jim carrey's job and secrecy is supposed to be theirs, in most civilized places drs do not tell you the secret tragedies of other patients whom you know due to the tiny social circle we all run in. and being a patient and not a scientist all you care about is your case or the positive results that someone with your symptoms have after being cured and please no names required here too.


the most emotionally damaging is: the your case is serious and i will leave you to think your life is over until i decide its time you know you have a chance to live, when you are actually fine approach!

but what is worse here is the jealousy between doctors each doctor has to laugh a little at the other doctor's style and politely belittle him by saying dr.x is my student.

its a huge mess in cairo, and when you go to the states you find them asking you for totally different things and they see things so differently there. what you thought was an incurable disease they probably know about and have the answer to and they will not make you feel stupid or that you are less human because you are not a doctor. and in most cases they will be astonished at all the medications you have been taking, things they introduce as a last resort.

but you will be in a clean place feeling safe and knowing that you do not need to be their friend for them to tell you the truth.
and that there is no hidden agendas and who your dad is does not matter to them, and who you know will also not make a difference.

but never did i know the importance of being a doctor, knowing a good doctor, and why the traditional egyptian family wants their son to be a doctor, like i do now.

God why did you not make me a good doctor?
now being an artist seems like such a trivial job or thing to do.
while they save lives i paint canvases only.
while i can not watch Grey's anatomy they live in it.

with all due respect to Egyptian doctors, they all have their amazing points of strength but certainly something is wrong and needs to be at least mentioned.

every time i visit an egyptian doctor i want to say: doctor, please care about me i am not just a number!

from Cairo Ramadan to Lausanne

arriving to this cozy cute little airport of theirs was so comforting
it is small, unthreatening, and endearing


seeing Lausanne after Ramadan in Cairo i thought i must have died and went to heaven
every scene is postcard beauty material
the level of peace there is surreal
i felt like i came from another planet
in this part of Switzerland where they squeak in french rather than speak,
where they sing in high pitch voices saying bonjour at every corner instead of speaking like the rest of us
i felt like i was belle from beauty and the beast


the frequency that Lausanne vibrates with is higher than any other
people are floating not walking
the quiet could be felt from the earth
any silence anywhere else could never compare
in Lausanne you arrive and suddenly you feel so much peace that you want to be quiet
and you wonder why you made so much noise in your life before Lausanne.

it is a picture perfect place
like a still life painting that is too pretty that you do not want to believe it
How often does an amazing lake find a place before the mountains?
how often do birds fly so peacefully and air is so fresh and crisp all you want to do is breathe
nobody is loud in Lausanne
people are different there

mostly dressed in beiges and whites the few locals have some how agreed that these colors are best
A zen feeling fills the place
if you are aware you feel a great spiritual vibe too
a practical, simple, a higher frquency to everything


it is a place you go to and you feel like its good to be alive
and that you want to live
i look around me as i walk and i see old people in groups
walking eating movenpick ice-cream
people have the will to grow old in Lausanne
Life is worth living in a place like this.
Surrounded with so much beauty why not live more?

Every tree is a masterpiece with a different print on the trunk and a majestic peaceful feel to it.
Trees look happier and wiser there, something like the nature in the avatar movie is what I could see.

The waters of the lake are not like any other, from the boat I could see the sun's reflection making it glitter and glow like a diamond. Being there you feel lucky and you want to shut everyone up and ask are you guys kidding? Is this beauty normal? Who gets used to this?


my friends who live there said the perfection here gets boring after a while
i would not know
but the chaos and lack of oxygen here in Cairo also gets boring
In a place like Lausanne someone coming from Cairo would blossom like a flower that needed water and sunshine.
I did not want to miss one breath and I could feel my skin glow without the grey layer of dust.

The swiss are so clean and it's not because they have more soap, it is because the whole country is glittering in perfection.
Even the little blonde kids are perfect.
Babies and children there are a joy to watch.
other than the fact that they are adorable and naturally cute they behave so differently than my local kids from Cairo

God has given them so much beauty in Lausanne
in the nature, in the people and the children too
perfect little creatures silently politely existing to make the lives of their parents more joyful
I searched the place with my bare eyes and no, no there are no nannies from the Philippines and the poorest countries of Africa running around insane little monsters like in Cairo. Kids sit like normal human beings with their parents quietly and in the most civil ways, they are a joy to the world.

I started getting flashbacks of my summer in the egyptian northcoast where each mommy has a nanny and each child is a scare to watch or handle. Each child has a walking paid adult running after them following their every move and meeting their every wish or command. The children at haciendas are spoiled beyond measure and the Philippines and Nigeria and Ethiopia have found a new colony in cairo's rich homes.

These nannies have no authorities over the kids and the kids run around like monsters making it seem like parenting is a stupid choice if the outcome would be kids who are impossible to handle.

i sat through a friendly lecture in Lausanne and in the room was a mom and her daughter who is a two year old girl who is prettier than your dreams can picture or imagine and cuter than kittens and puppies in their first weeks of life, the girl sat through an one hour lecture that i fidgeted through. she sat quietly and peacefully and i was in shock. i looked beside me and another mom was there with her five week baby born sleeping in a wrap, the baby slept in peace on her stomach and heart, reminded by his position in the womb the baby was quiet and peaceful. i look to my left and another baby slept in peace through out the lecture and suddenly it dawned on me the Cairo way of parenting is not the only Way! life is not over if you become a parent, and children do not have to be the monsters we see screaming and acting insane. i wondered if it was nature or nurture.

At the lunch break the little girl ate by her self with no noise or fuss she sat on her dad's lap and chewed peacefully. They sat at our table so I thought it would be my chance to ask the heroic mommy how she does it, and how her toddler acts like a sane blessing not a monster.

i asked her if it was genetics or something they did so well. the mommy answered me with what i realized is the answer to every mom in the world who has no clue how parents can make it without a nanny to rely on and a little monster to keep distracted away. she said she read a book called "THE BABY WHISPERER" and ladies and gentlemen this is the answer to all the problems of parents.

The mom told me its all about structure and keeping a strict routine of eating sleeping and activity. In the book the author calls it e.a.s.y; EAT, ACTIVITY, SLEEP,AND YOU TIME. She said babies love routines and structure and she got up to take the lovely little girl of hers to sleep, in the middle of the lunch she had to leave the social scene and attend to the structure and routine of the baby girl that keeps her so peaceful and a joy to be around. i wanted to tattoo the words "THE BABY WHISPERER" on my forehead for my future in parenthood to be safe.

And I promised myself to read this apparently amazing book before bringing a lost child into the world and not to leave my child to become another monster in the world who walks with a poor nanny behind him or her and not to bring more misery to my country by having another spoiled brat who adds to the noise pollution and makes everyone else uncomfortable. So help me God!
Ofcourse everyone needs help and affording help is a blessing but the way the elite of Egypt do it is not in anyway normal. seeing the angel that is the little girl act the way she did you would understand what i mean and how it is so not normal what is happening in my cairo with the socially fortunate parents and their little monsters who are left to the help.

From Ramadan to Lausanne it really felt like I was a good girl during ramadan so God took me to heaven to see how wonderful things could be .

From God : to us ( on fasting)

Allah’s Messenger (sallaAllahu alayhe wasallam) said: “Allah said: “Every good deed performed by son of Adam is a credit for him but fasting is exclusively Mine and I give reward for it. Fasting is a shield against sins. Therefore, when any of you is fasting he should neither indulge in obscene language nor raise the voice. If anyone abuses him or quarrels with him, he should say: I am fasting. By Him in Whose Hand is Muhammad’s soul! The smell coming out of the mouth of a person fasting is more pleasant to Allah than the smell of musk. And he who fasts has two occasions of joy. One is when he breaks the fast, and the second is when he meets his Lord.”" (This Hadith is sound and reported by Bukhari and Muslim)

from our beloved prophet to us

Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him addressed his companions on the last day of Sha`ban, saying, "Oh people! A great month has come over you; a blessed month; a month in which is a night better than a thousand months; month in which Allah has made it compulsory upon you to fast by day, and voluntary to pray by night. Whoever draws nearer (to Allah) by performing any of the (optional) good deeds in (this month) shall receive the same reward as performing an obligatory deed at any other time, and whoever discharges an obligatory deed in (this month) shall receive the reward of performing seventy obligations at any other time. It is the month of patience, and the reward of patience is Heaven. It is the month of charity, and a month in which a believer's sustenance is increased. Whoever gives food to a fasting person to break his fast, shall have his sins forgiven, and he will be saved from the Fire of Hell, and he shall have the same reward as the fasting person, without his reward being diminished at all."Narrated by Ibn Khuzaymah

this city this month

cairo is my home
i keep saying it but i want to say it more
even if we know for sure and it is fact that so many other places are way better than this city
i still want to live in this capital or 20 minutes away no more than that

i feed on this chaos here
i wish for it to be solved of course
i wish i can fix it all
but then again im happy here
and coming from the beautiful beach and fresh air i missed the place i call home
wanted to go back so bad and itched for this place
ramadan has a lot to do with it
i love ramadan in cairo
nothing like it, nothing can compare
maybe in mecca it would be even more amazing but i would want some time in cairo too

im so lucky i grew up here and the traditions were engraved in me
its so important to grow up doing something
and to be around those who do it to
for it to stick like a norm
and then you grow up to love and miss it

cairo is my home
ramadan is time to polish the heart
to take a break
to take the shallow world out of our hearts and bring on the light of God
it is time to pray to love to fast to eat to think and to connect
to visit family and friends to feel at one
something unites us and it is magical how a city eats at the same time and fasts at the same time
and rushes to do good at the same time

Cairo i love you
ramadan you are leaving so fast again
i love all of those who fasted together and ate together
i love the quiet streets and the sound of the call of prayer
i love it here and i wish to always be here in this holy month
no other place can compare
here the angels spread in ramadan and the devils are chained through the month
so what ever sins we sin are from our own selves

nothing is like a holy month in a great city like this
polish your heart and awaken it wherever you are
its time to see things clearly now
there is no better time reach for higher places
beyond the small world here
now gates are open for prayers
now angels fill our homes and streets
now everyone who is aware can feel the higher frequency
but it is a choice to be lazy and waste this time or to capture the light while it floods the earth and our souls
be thankful for being at a place that respects this time
you could have been somewhere else where nobody cares that its ramadan and holding on is like holding on to coal


whoever you are, wherever you are it is a special time
it's our christmas, and glittering streets sing in joy
hearts are kinder
stomaches are empty
souls are purified
nights are not meant for sleep anymore, they're meant for prayers and those who want to repent
don't miss out on the great things that are happening
get to know your angel now

mercy is the theme


i love this city, this month

aUgust in RAmadan

This year august meets ramadan
Hottest days meet our hungriest hours
Thirst and sweat combine
A.c becomes the most important member of each family and each house
Beaches abandoned
Beach houses resided in
Some lay all day trying to make it
Some hide in their summer homes with their kids
Some still go to work in Cairo
They suffer the traffic and the heat
Some swim inside their pools
Some melt with no electricity
Some read religious scriptures all night and pray
Some fast and hibernate
Some make the most of social events out of it
And invite as many people as they can
Some eat each day at a different friends house
Some are glued to the tv day and night
Some play games until dawn and sleep until the sunsets
Some fast, eat , pray, watch tv and sleep

But best thing about Ramadan in egypt is that we are all in it together
And it's not to be ignored
It's to be respected
It's time for the soul and body to rest
It's time to slow down
It's time for GOd
It's Ramadan in egypt and it's a very special time
Although it's hot
Although it's august
Although it's hard
It's still Ramadan a time to respect our core

Anger and fire

In my heart anger builds like fire it takes time to burn only me and then fade away leaving me with ashes
I always turn to water and the soothing shower
Contact with people no matter how dear is a recipe for arguments and trouble
But then again nobody likes to be lonely
Even those who act like it's their choice
It might be true for awhile but humanity needs the warmth and comfort of sharing to survive
Maybe not six families under one roof but people need to connect that's for sure
In Egypt mobile phones are best sellers
Everyone has one
Even the hungry or the unemployed man
And smoking is the culture
Everyone is lighting fire to their lungs
So much anger and self destruction
People smoke everywhere from elevators to hospitals they do
In your face in coffee shops they puff the smoke
And anywhere you go indoors you will come home smelling like an ashtray
I had to make the choice: become an outcast
Lonely and left behind or a second hand smoker
The only reason people react positively to your annoyance to smoke and inability to breathe is if you are with child other than that you leave the table
Shishas and cigarettes are the social life here in Egypt and if you do not know how to cope you are not part of the crowd
The non smokers feel guilty for their desires for a healthier place to sit and breathe and the sensitive smokers who walk away to smoke and come back barely exist
I know only one person like that
But it is considered rude to ask someone not to smoke next to you if you do not have a serious medical condition you should be silent and enjoy their puffs in your face like you were meant to

And the different ringtones of mobile phones and people having their conversations in the middle of your lunch or outing interrupting everything will drive you mad

The fire builds burns and rests
With water you can help it turn to ashes



My advice always jump in the shower

roller coaster

We always want what is far and when we get it we start wanting something else
The same thing we wished for can start creating our own misery
So maybe we have no idea what we want
Many times we have no clue


And what about those people we travel miles and miles to see and realize we can't stand after awhile
So many misunderstandings
Words twisted in minds creating unwanted wounds


From a distance it's a picture perfect portrait
You get closer and you see all the faults all the hidden wounds
All the spoken and unspoken things we hold

We are so complicated so many layers to us
We change every day our cells change our minds change our hearts twist and turn and what we were dying to have
Loses meaning after a while

Even I love you when said too much loses meaning and taste
Even the kisses when practiced with no passion can be a chore between families and friends
Even lovers are bored time after time

People need time alone
Too much contact is friction
What about the mothers and fathers how do they manage with zero self time
If they can't afford it it's no choice
But I have seen it up close even parents need a break from the apples of their eyes
Those kids they've wanted so much


They say be thankful
But you never thank unless you are about to lose
We never see until we are bumped so hard
Then we learn the lessons of how spoiled we were
And time makes things look sweeter after awhile
We always think we were happier at a previous time
Well most of the time
nostalgic we become because we delete the troubles to make it seem lovely in the past


But these days I have realized the agony is the same
This life is no merry go round
It is a roller coaster that you bought the ticket for and stood in line
You know you will scream and they will turn you upside down
Your world will shake your heart will skip a beat and at times the ride will be slow and boring right before the big rush of the twist and the turn
You know about the
The speed and the adrenaline rush you know about the shock of the sudden change of path

after awhile you think you know the pattern when the big shocking move happens they give you time to slow down
You leave it either laughing and entertained because you have bravery and a strong heart Or like me at the end of the ride with weak knees and a heart that can't stop pounding
With some hairs that turned white on your head
With disbelief and so many questions about why we do that to ourselves
Why do we stand in line for fear and speed and shock?
Well we all chose to buy the ticket before we came to the line
We all stood by choice
Even the little kids do it


For me the ride is no fun when its so dangerous like that
I would prefer a walk In the park or the simple merry go round but the people you love take you to places you did not want to go
For love you trust that even though you will be upside down the seat will keep you from falling
When you think you are dead it will still be ok because so many people died before and others still stand in line and buy the tickets too knowing it will be over
No one stays in the seat when the other people come to ride
Nobody says they will stay forever on the ride
Nobody can
They won't let you
So fear it or enjoy it , it be over soon

Health benefits of fasting

I found this:




Biology 103
2002 First Paper
On Serendip

The Health Benefits of Fasting
Will Carroll
There has been much contention in the scientific field about whether or not fasting is beneficial to one's health. Fasting is an integral part of many of the major religions including Islam, Judaism and Christianity. Many are dubious as to whether the physiological effects are as beneficial as the spiritual promoted by these religions. There is a significant community of alternative healers who believe that fasting can do wonders for the human body. This paper will look at the arguments presented by these healers in an attempt to raise awareness of the possible physiological benefits that may result from fasting.

Fasting technically commences within the first twelve to twenty-four hours of the fast. A fast does not chemically begin until the carbohydrate stores in the body begin to be used as an energy source. The fast will continue as long as fat and carbohydrate stores are used for energy, as opposed to protein stores. Once protein stores begin to be depleted for energy (resulting in loss of muscle mass) a person is technically starving. (1)

The benefits of fasting must be preceded by a look at the body's progression when deprived of food. Due to the lack of incoming energy, the body must turn to its own resources, a function called autolysis. (2) Autolysis is the breaking down of fat stores in the body in order to produce energy. The liver is in charge of converting the fats into a chemical called a ketone body, "the metabolic substances acetoacetic acid and beta-hydroxybutyric acid" (3), and then distributing these bodies throughout the body via the blood stream. "When this fat utilization occurs, free fatty acids are released into the blood stream and are used by the liver for energy." (3) The less one eats, the more the body turns to these stored fats and creates these ketone bodies, the accumulation of which is referred to as ketosis. (4)

Detoxification is the foremost argument presented by advocates of fasting. "Detoxification is a normal body process of eliminating or neutralizing toxins through the colon, liver, kidneys, lungs, lymph glands, and skin." (5). This process is precipitated by fasting because when food is no longer entering the body, the body turns to fat reserves for energy. "Human fat is valued at 3,500 calories per pound," a number that would lead one to believe that surviving on one pound of fat every day would provide a body with enough energy to function normally. (2) These fat reserves were created when excess glucose and carbohydrates were not used for energy or growth, not excreted, and therefore converted into fat. When the fat reserves are used for energy during a fast, it releases the chemicals from the fatty acids into the system which are then eliminated through the aforementioned organs. Chemicals not found in food but absorbed from one's environment, such as DDT, are also stored in fat reserves that may be released during a fast. One fasting advocate tested his own urine, feces and sweat during an extended fast and found traces of DDT in each. (5)

A second prescribed benefit of fasting is the healing process that begins in the body during a fast. During a fast energy is diverted away from the digestive system due to its lack of use and towards the metabolism and immune system. (6) The healing process during a fast is precipitated by the body's search for energy sources. Abnormal growths within the body, tumors and the like, do not have the full support of the body's supplies and therefore are more susceptible to autolysis. Furthermore, "production of protein for replacement of damaged cells (protein synthesis) occurs more efficiently because fewer 'mistakes' are made by the DNA/RNA genetic controls which govern this process." A higher efficiency in protein synthesis results in healthier cells, tissues and organs. (7) This is one reason that animals stop eating when they are wounded, and why humans lose hunger during influenza. Hunger has been proven absent in illnesses such as gastritis, tonsillitis and colds. (2) Therefore, when one is fasting, the person is consciously diverting energy from the digestive system to the immune system.

In addition, there is a reduction in core body temperature. This is a direct result of the slower metabolic rate and general bodily functions. Following a drop in blood sugar level and using the reserves of glucose found in liver glycogen, the basal metabolic rate (BMR) is reduced in order to conserve as much energy within the body as can be provided. (2) Growth hormones are also released during a fast, due to the greater efficiency in hormone production. (7)

Finally, the most scientifically proven advantage to fasting is the feeling of rejuvenation and extended life expectancy. Part of this phenomenon is caused by a number of the benefits mentioned above. A slower metabolic rate, more efficient protein production, an improved immune system, and the increased production of hormones contributes to this long-term benefit of fasting. In addition to the Human Growth Hormone that is released more frequently during a fast, an anti-aging hormone is also produced more efficiently. (7) "The only reliable way to extend the lifespan of a mammal is under-nutrition without malnutrition." (5) A study was performed on earthworms that demonstrated the extension of life due to fasting. The experiment was performed in the 1930s by isolating one worm and putting it on a cycle of fasting and feeding. The isolated worm outlasted its relatives by 19 generations, while still maintaining its youthful physiological traits. The worm was able to survive on its own tissue for months. Once the size of the worm began to decrease, the scientists would resume feeding it at which point it showed great vigor and energy. "The life-span extension of these worms was the equivalent of keeping a man alive for 600 to 700 years." (8)

In conclusion, it seems that there are many reasons to consider fasting as a benefit to one's health. The body rids itself of the toxins that have built up in our fat stores throughout the years. The body heals itself, repairs all the damaged organs during a fast. And finally there is good evidence to show that regulated fasting contributes to longer life.

Tooth pains and Ramadan

The holy month is one day away actually this evening the Ramadan prayers will start
I'm no preacher I'm no saint I'm in no place to say anything to anyone
But I can't help it that I want my loved ones to fast
Like a painful toothache is what it is seeing someone so great not doing what you know Is best for them
Like a broken heart you ache
It won't add or take from you but your love is of that kind.


Even if it's not your business even if it is personal you still want them to share the ritual
To share the blessings and what they bring
All you want is for them to feel the pleasures of doing it for him

Like a tooth ache is what it is being far from those you love
In a month like this one
You want the lovers and families to fast and break the fast together
To kneel and pray and thank together
To love to pray to fast together
It's a free country but love holds you captive like a toothache.
Ramadan the holy generous month is time for God , the fast is for him alone.
What a lovely way to say I love you, to fast until the sunsets, what a lovely way to reach the one!

When I said I'm doing nothing I lied

So depression crawled on me and found it's way when I spent a week of nothingness in Cairo knowing that I'm wasting precious human time
With eyes glued on tv watching the superficial yet so addictive episodes of gossip girl
Watching them for so long I started dreaming of the characters from Serena to georgina i have been seeing them all
Chasing me and hunting my unconscious taking me to manhattan and making me question what I was doing in Cairo alone
When I could be with the characters shopping at the upper east side of manhattan
When you start believing the characters of a tv show are your real friends you know there is a serious problem
Just when I realized Serena is not my friend and as much as I love the conniving Blair they are not real and they have no idea I exist


That was when I realized it's time to take action
So I followed my dream and took the course I have always dreamed of and had not dared take any action based on discouragement of close ones who I know mean only well
Truth is only you know what you need

So I went to my guru who is the best guru in this country possibly the continent
And she is guru Wafa as I mentioned before
And I took the course
I have learned so many things I have always wanted to know and now I can heal using my energy field
In the Maldives and thailand the yoga teachers have encouraged me to take the healing path since they sensed that I have a gift
Everyone does but they advised me and finally I took their advice and after two years almost I took action
I'm still in the beginning but I'm so excited
Now I know things I would never have known
And I still want to know
And I still have a long way
But now I know the ways to heal my self and the people I love
Some treasures lie under your nose
Only you know what you want and need
Let me heal myself and you
Now I actually can
Going back to the beach now with purpose and a new light
Still addicted to gossip girl but at least now I know Who I am and I learned something
So staying away from the beach was not a complete waste
Was actually one of the best things that ever happened to me
Polish your heart so you can shine
Fix your self I told my self
And one day at a time I might really get there
Nothing feels better than being healed
So heal what you can and ask for help

First post from an ipad

I didn't know I would love the apple iPad so much
Perfect size
And so friendly
This iPad is becoming my best friend
Moving on
Cairo in July is an experience worth your time
It is like I am in a different city
I feel like I'm renting an apartment in France
Where I know no one
And there is a certain charm to being on your own in an old city like Cairo
Walking in the streets and alleys of zamalek at night I have seen the jewels of embassies and villas that were hard to see from the crowd
It is very peaceful here when everyone else is by the coast or traveling the globe

You start seeing the city with the eyes of the tourist
Only foreigners here and people with no summer homes are left in the city
The darkness of the zamalek streets at night is scary and exciting too
The street called al montaza street is a secret lovers hiding place
On the corniche I saw the lovers kissing and whispering behind the trees
I also saw friends chilling in cars parked in the same street

The punks, the outcasts and the smoking up
All gather here for some reason
I know exactly why
It's beautiful
It's dark
It's mysterious


You can smell the Nile as you walk
And it's the closest you can get to these waters

Walking in zamalek is a rare chance for me

Only in July when half our population is by the beach can I do that
Finally I can feel the city again
I can feel the history and the stories behind each window
everyone i know is by the beach now because
Summer this year is shorter than before since august will meet Ramadan
And the bikinis will hide along with with the booz and the food
Some people will stay by the beach and hide in their beach houses until sunset
Some will come rushing back to cairo to meet their working husbands on the dining table at sunset to
break their fast and some will travel to any foreign place where the population knows nothing about Ramadan

Life is slow in Cairo and my muscles hurt from too much laying down
From doing nothing all day when I have the chance to do so much
For some reason I have zero energy for anything other than lounging all day and having breakfast and coffee in bed
I should be feeling guilty for being so lazy and unproductive
But I convince my self a housewife is a full-time job
And that I am experimenting with doing nothing
Although I doubt that anything good will come out of that
And I confess I do feel weird about it

Cairo in July in the weekend is peaceful, is cleaner, is lonely, is a new experience for me and I think I like it, me and my new friend the ipad!!

gypsy

the mind longs for whatever is out of reach
when we are here we wait until it is time to fly away
and when we go to those we missed we start thinking of those
on the othe other side and miss them too
we start thinking of how we want to see them again and go back
when we are back we keep thinking of those we left behind
thinking the meeting is the gate to happinness
so many goodbyes
so many hellos
the greeters become normal company after the passionate hugs fade away
hopeful eyes become cold and insensitive in a short time
eyes that were glued on yours start to drift and catch a newer resting place more fresh and more exciting
you look around and again you are alone
no matter who is with you
no place feels like a home
no place feels comfortable
when you have this emptiness inside
love always involves heartbreak
love is not reliable in anyway
but so many people have built thick skins
so many have occupied themselves with so many things to do so they can get distracted
everyone looks for a distraction from the mind
keeping busy makes people happier

some atheletes are addicted to their work out
tiring the body in excersice shuts the mind up


i realized something very important nobody knows it all
we are all trying
keeping busy
the mothers looking after their kids get sucked in cute routines and scheduales
so they do not stop and worry about it all

the buisness men work themselves to sleep
and routines keep people safe


the drinkers keep filling their cups as if drinking
so much will take their minds off whatever they are escaping
and it does only for a short time
only until the pain comes back when they are sober again.

smokers keep themselves busy thinking of the next ciggerete
and occuping themselves with hand movements and the different ways to puff the smoke

the eaters are busy getting lost in taste sensations
and dreaming of their next meal

the shoppers
keep buying their happiness thinking their next purchase will sure bring the joy
or the confidence that they have always longed for

the flirt looks for the next victim to feed their ego. hunting for eyes to lock with theirs
and the teasers love to make people dream of them and then move to the next person
as soon as they find someone else to woe.

everyone is looking for a distraction
everyone is as lost as you sometimes feel
but they all keep it together at the party

and in the end we feel lonely with the person beneath our skin
thinking that this person is the only one with trouble
when everyone else has their pain too but works to hide it and move on

no place feels like home in this world

lost on the highway

i was not built for the road
trucks scare me
drivers choke me
and in any car i feel my personal space being invaded
so that is what they call: chlostrophobia


reminders for self:
1. egyptian men hate to be in the passenger's seat when a woman is driving especially if they are involved with her romantically
2. love is more romantic when it is impossible
3. a fantasy lives longer than a reality
4. expectaions are the reason behind heartbreak
5. men and women have so many different wires in their brains
its like men have this empty place in their heads while women have so many layers of emotions and expectations in the same place no wonder it is so hard for them to get each other
6. never travel to meet someone you love, you will always be dissapointed and they never appreciate it as much as you would think they would
7. never expect anything from anyone
8.be your own best friend
9. enjoy your own company
10. dont forget your friends and your own life
11. before commiting to someone make sure you have the ability of being happy alone
12. fairytales are not possible
13. romantic movies are hard to create in real llife
14. imagination can be dangerous, your mind can create your own hell
15. nothing is real in this life

16. most people are capable of lying, hiding truths and calling it selective honesty, cheating, and surprising you.




so many times we want to run way and when we run we find different forms of pain somewhere else
does high perception and creativity always mean more prone to sadness?
what are the real reasons behind sadness? genes? horoscope? or is it just part of life?

it feels like a big joke sometimes this whole life
and then we die and i think it is so humilating to just be dead and for others to deal with your body
people keep dying everyday and some think it is so far away
dont walk so proud my friend one day you too will leave


didnt realize this post would end up morbid sorry readers soon will come a happier one

alexandria what happened to you?

alexandria in july is nothing like it ought to be
the once great city is to me has become the biggest dissapoinment


i used to come here as a little girl
it used to be so much fun here in alexandria
but now it is a memory of beauty and the majority of the the minds have taken it so far back


a city that has the potential of being as fun as beirut is now the opposite of what beirut stands for
alexandria wins in one point, thank GOD no war stains there, but dear Lord what has happened to alexandria?


i realise that the four seasons is no way to judge a place
but it is a way of comparing a segment of society in every place

the four seasons has not failed to create another architectural beauty and ofcourse good service
but the people have killed it, they killed the experience, with their ways, with their attitiudes, and as shallow as it sounds with their choice of clothes too.

the pool is wonderful ofcourse and sitting by it and seeing the beach too, what more would you want sipping your fruit cocktail? sounds dreamy until the residence of the hotel start to occupy the place and make you feel uncomfortable for all that you are it becomes not dreamy and more nightmarish.

it seemed to me that there is some kind of hidden alexandrian laws that everyone knows of except me: only men and children can swim or wear a swim suit
a saudi feel to the place spreads and you could smell the borrowed tradtions fill the place
the once alexandrian man has adapted the saudi customs and his wife has sided with a towel in her hand in the shade covered and sheltered in a way that seems to be so borrowed and not originally hers.

were they teachers working in saudi and coming with money to spend in their home country?
they must be because all the signs point there.


the sand and beach experience was such a disapointment too
thinking that my contact with the alexandrian beach will be a reunion from a childhood memory
all i see in the waves is empty bags of chips
and waste everywhere
i could smell the sewage too dropped in the sea
and the sand
what happened to the sand of alex?
it lost its softness and its bright yellowness
the almost black waves with the brown sands are the reason the alexandrians who care for beauty left alex in the summer and went to the north coast.

i felt like i am in a petrooleum field, nothing about the beach said vacation or fun.
on the beach of the fourseasons you will not find one female in swim wear or even just sitiing there
all you could find is men and children.
no sound of music or any efforts to entertain.
all i could feel was uncomfortable.
the only people on the beach are loud repulsive spoiled children who are not one bit cute, and their hairy fathers who think they are the heroes of their time. where have the women gone? why are they all men and children?

thats when i realized that it does not matter how amazing the hotel is that you stay at, what matters is the people around you.
we walked through the same underground tunnel to reach the beach like in beirut and the beach was so similar to beirut's beach it even had sand and in beirut it was mostly rocks, but in beirut you want to live life smelling the waves, the people around you, and their choices of clothes and ways of speech make you enjoy the place.

in alex all i could think of was how every life comes to an end, that is how we are as egyptians obssessed with death and the after life like we used to be as pharoes, it is all for the after life. in beirut it seems like they beleive it is just this life they got and they turned their beaches to heavenly dreams of fun, their clothes to art pieces, their features to what they wished for them to be, and they make you want to have fun.

i used to come to alexandria as a little girl and in montaza it used to be so wonderful spending summers by the beach, girls were free, men were not the only people you see on the beach, and people dressed up with taste, and you could not see maids dressed in repulsive clothes filling the place.

the four seasons is trying to be the fourseasons in alex but the alexandrians barely inhibit the restaurants and changed the scene to conservative macho macho town.

two things you will love about four seasons alex: the food and rooms that is about it!

the four seasons stands lonely in alexandria and it is beautiful in everyway, but if you stay there remember your room number because each step of the way you will be asked: "rakam el ghorfa?" or " room number please?" because they do not trust that you have a room, no matter how your efforts of looking representable are ,they will always suspect that you are a crasher! i thought of writing my room number on my forehead but held myself from embarrassing my friends. if you decide to spoil yourself in the alex fourseasons, remember to stay in the room and order room service! that is really the best part of the experience unless you do not mind loud children and men taking up all the place.

this city has expired

i really do not mean to be so negative
but coming back from the beach to cairo
all i could smell was the stink
like old milk in the fridge
this city is getting more rotten everyday
we love it so much that we do not see it or we do not want to admit it
and we do not want the people to say it
but we know they are right
the garbage
the stink
the people
everything is overdue
run away from the city while you can
an ugly dust covers us all with grey and makes us dull here
meet us anywhere else we would be missing the stink but glowing with oxygen and fresh clean pores on our skin


there is no better beach naturally speaking than the beach of our north coast
it might lack the atmosphere you find in europe and beirut but this sand and water quality can only compare to the maldives
to the islands that are now designed for honeymooners

on the egyptian north coast you will find the biggest national waste
these houses built for one month in the year are such a waste closed all year round and hidden from tourism
why doesn't the government supply us with means for permenant life there?
a school
a hospital
a chance

then again we all like to gather like cockroaches around the stinking city of ours
for some reason nobody thinks of spreading further than katameya and 6 of october

this city has expired, yet only here can you order your groceries to your doorstep and if you do not have cash the supermarket guy will bring you the credit card machine to your doorstep.

is it for these comforts that we stay and ignore our inability to breathe fresh air or walk the streets like other normal people from anywhere?

May peace be upon you Beirut

Beirut is a dream
Beirut is the way life should be
whenever city and beach marry life has new meaning
beauty everywhere
plastic or not it is wonderful
the lebanese learned from the French about good taste and then they reached new levels

in beirut you want to eat and you don't want to sleep
you do not want to miss a thing
people who know how to live
how to look
how to dance
how to dine
how to work

with sweet tongues they speak only to make you feel good about yourself
in beirut you want to live
you want to kiss the clouds and stay up all night

beautiful boys and girls who fixed their flaws and are happier now
beaches that call for south france and compete with pride

a downtown that takes your breath away and gives you the joys of the past and the opportunities of the future
a lot like rio the city dances by the beach and spreads to the mountains
God gave them beauty and brains but also a will to fight

if only Lebanon was always at peace, the whole world would move there
amazing shopping, natural beauty and of course their famous nightlife is like no other

next to the new beautiful buildings by the beach you can still see traces of a war on other wounded buildings
but the war has taught them not to waste time
that nothing is for granted and that each day might be the last

so they know how to live better than any other people
they know how to grab the moment
to enjoy the peaceful times
who knows what tomorrow might bring?

lebanese food is not impossible to imitate but its so simply good and juicy and you will not find it's match anywhere else only Syria can compete.

fresh fruits and vegetables with lemon and spices that make you love being healthy
salads are the main course in many occasions but they are so creative, they are enough
food is served with love and nothing is ordinary
mediocracy does not exist

but for the lebanese women competition is a killer, every woman has done all she can to look her best
and everyday they are ready to meet anyone, they dress up like beauty queens and talk like they are not shy to be feminine
a celebration is what it is every single day and they look for excuses
the world cup was their excuse to roam the streets and cheer and sing like each winning country was their own
with passion they painted themselves in brazilian colors when brazil won
a herd of motorcycles filled the streets with brazilian flags
and the same happened when germany won
they use anything as an excuse to live and celebrate

you will not understand the lebanese way until you see it
nothing breaks them
not even war
they will dance
they will sing
they will shine anyway
let each night be lived like it were your last
and when you work you are the best
when you eat it must taste good
when you love you must be outspoken


and when you check out competition you are not subtle you will be proud to stare and threaten
when you shop you choose the latest
when you build you make art pieces
when you go out you stay all night
when you fight you fight till the end
they know about war and nothing scares them anymore
strong happy beautiful people by the beach or on the mountains no wonder all the people i know run to lebanon as much as they can

as an Egyptian i got the visa at the airport
i felt loved and welcomed like a first class citizen
they know how to welcome you
how to host and how to talk

this is why i fell in love with beirut
because lebanon can live

God Bless Beirut, and may the rages of war always be far from you, may peace be upon you Beirut

cliche

i know it is a cliche
but i need to put it down here
i realize i can buy a diary
i have even been advised to
but some how i need to get published here on this blog
i have no idea why
i need this thing in my head to be out and read

the cliche is
the fact that things do not bring joy
not even love can bring happiness
pain can be an outcome of so much happiness
material things mean comfort that is it
after awhile you get used to everything, although thankful and grateful
you will need something else
and if you do not feed your soul you will be empty

your being hallow
your spirit sad

i thought that my sold out art show would make me happy
i thought that by having my own show i would be in paradise
thankful i am but not happy
not as i thought i would be
holding my cash in my hand
i felt like a drug dealer some how
like i sold my soul
and i sold it cheap


ego brings sadness
no matter how much my dreams come true my brain finds the way to put me down
making me see the faults
the doubts
and success means nothing
i realized there must be something bigger, something more rewarding
than this

nowadays i cant even paint
they choked me
they said they want to lead me
and although i am dying to go back to my canvas
i do not want to go back now

i want their voices out of my head
they talked so much
nobody owns a free artist
i paint for me and not for them to like or not

my work i love
but how could i find it now
its all sold out
who knows where each piece went
and now i'm left with colored papers called cash
meaning nothing and all my work disappeared
into other spaces
some i still find and i am grateful for knowing the new owners
some went to strangers and i was not even given the time to say goodbye

professional is what i should be
less sentimental
less dramatic
but that is me


does the sad gene come with the fun gene hand in hand?
money does not buy happiness
so do not wait for the move in or the move out
you will always be inside yourself stop running away
temporary changes become old ones
new wants and needs always come up
making you sad
making you wait thinking that the change will finally make you happy
but no nothing does

you must fill the gap inside, that emptiness,
that no friend or lover can ever fill no fading moment can fulfill

and in the end we are all gone
so whats the point of so much pain?

although shopping can be pleasurable at the moment
i realized an old known fact:
money can't buy happiness
that is the cliche
and the illusion
so many people with all the money in the world and in depression they live
the poor souls are in pain
and people can not see the cause

listen to your heart

nowadays i get angry so fast
im upset so fast
im not the patient one anymore
i thought i was so calm
and i realized i am not
i thought i was understanding
but my window for taking crap has been shut so hard and fast
i do not like stupid excuses
and no i wont forgive the immoral
if i do not go around making people feel so bad by mistake
everyone else can also hold it and think before they talk

once i was fooled by an older witch wearing a weird mask and costumes that do not fit any place on earth
and i thought maybe behind this weird look there is a good heart
turns out i was wrong and my body was right when it smelled danger and weirdness when we first met
she was like an octopus who wanted to eat you alive
take all you have and make it hers
her true face showed and a monster was behind the mask of sweet talk



now i know why some people have a strong big facade
they were bit so hard before

only the stupid does not suspect
does not sniff danger from a distance

all i really want is my space and freedom
and to be with those i love

the weather is so hot in cairo and my boiling anger is boiling up
no i can not take shit anymore
no i will not be like all the other doormats
and i will not wait to be stabbed again
get stabbed once and you are excused
get stabbed twice and you are stupid

no i am anything but stupid

now i get angry so fast
i will not be silent to injustice and rudeness
yes i have learned the truth about people

some are gold some are fake
some are sweet some are wearing big masks
no one is perfect but the difference is what you are willing to put up with

some people can take liars as long as they are fun
but i can not

others can take cheaters as long as they got big pockets
and i would gag to that

some are ok with bullies
as long as they are in the it crowd
and i think thats sick


some can be around masks, liars, cheaters, fakers, and even the always cynical and negative but im not sorry that i cant.


that kind of limits my friend list but i have no problem with that.

i say: quality versus quantity


i learned to listen to my heart when you meet someone and your whole being wants to escape them take it as a sign that they are not meant to be your friend even if they act like angels, soon their true face will show and you will regret giving them the chance.


if you want to be with someone but your body refuses it, listen to your guts and heart they know better than your brain.

listen to your heart not everyone is true and not everyone is good, not everyone deserves to get so close.

be careful of the many faces people wear.

that dr who only started answering his phone after he got the v.i.p call
that friend who suddenly became so nice after you gained something you never had
that smile that is so yellow and fake will not reach my heart

the older bitter women who stand and feast their eyes and black tongues on you with gossip that is so obvious, stay away from them, they are in no way kind.

those with the shittiest reputations often earned it, you do not have to be their way back to the good life.
let them find their way on their own, you do not have to be the hamster of the experiment every time.

have fun!

i do not mean to scare anyone but i have learned a million lessons so fast, and now i can not take the energy of the fakers, the liars, the cheaters, the perverted men in saintly suits, the tipsy talk that is full of crap!

listen to your heart
see beyond the masks and the make up
see the hearts of gold and the hearts of stone beneath the clothes, beneath it all.

stop, wait, listen to your heart for a change!

on the other side

living in the city




but lonely
down town
in between the buzz of life
but very lonely

because the little ones i love so much are on the other side
home is where the heart is

all the people i am made of are there
i am here on the other side
always longing to go to their side of town

the umbilical cord between me and my mother is still attached
i want to be by her side all the time

smell her
talk with her
eat with her
lay with her
swim with her

and i do not care if my life slips away
and i get nothing much done

in the east love hurts
in the east sadness is always in our dark eyes
in the east the little ones come first

the road i take to them is long
but passes fast thinking of them
when the road is not taken
it is hard, it is far, it is lonely
it is lonely on the other side

without them life is dull
the busy city quiets down and i am so lonely
all by myself most of the time
the crowded city life means nothing when they are all on the other side

mother oh mother

mother is the soul of the earth







mother is the soul of nature
nothing beats motherhood
nothing is greater than a good mother
my mother is all i have in this world
and through her i have learned to respect all the mothers in the universe
through her love i have learned about the relationships between the womb and the open sea
and although its a mans world i have realized men are nothing without their mothers

the instinct is built even in little girls
we carry little dolls and want to take care of them
motherhood is the sun to the flowers
watch the cat with her kittens
watch the mothers of nature
watch the lioness as she fetches food for her cubs
nothing more magical than a mother

mother is this universe
mother is nature
mother is marry
mother is love
mother is a protective force
and a will to go on
mothering even a puppy, is a great pleasure on its own

life is worth living once you matter to a smaller being
once your existence affects another
and this is my mother
God bless all the mothers

and we have a prayer
God don't let us be worshipers of tests let us be worshippers of good doing


dear God please do not give me a test that breaks me
please give something i can handle let me be a light in the world that i need not to be tested

between the birds, the skies and sees, between the earth, the sun and beings, nothing is more wonderful than a mother.